


Hope for Dummies

by mearcats



Series: home is wherever i'm with you [2]
Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: (seriously everyone around them is pregnant in season 10), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beginnings, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Medical Procedures, Mentions of Abby/Carter, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Post Foreign Affairs, Pregnancy, Romance, Unresolved Sexual Tension, and Luka's whole sexual crisis in S9, the author opened a jar of tropes and poured all the fluffy ones into this fic, turned into a season 10 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-01-31 19:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mearcats/pseuds/mearcats
Summary: There's not a guidebook to hope, but they could sure use one.Abby goes to talk to Luka the night before he leaves for the Congo, bringing them back into each other's lives more fully again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification, while Abby and Carter are together at the beginning of this fic, this is definitely Abby/Luka. There is, however, no cheating. That's just not how they roll.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and if you're new to this fic, the rating has increased from a T and M due to Abby and Luka being unable to keep their hands off for an extended period of time.

_Can you leave me alone?_

_Can you just...go?_

Carter’s words echo in her brain as she stands at the train platform, her chest aching with it. They might not have said the words officially, but it’s pretty clearly over, in spite of everything she’s done to make it work.

Sure, he’s grieving, and Abby could chalk everything he said up to that, but she has to be honest with herself, even if they aren’t ready to be honest with each other. Things aren’t working, and they haven’t been, not since the proposal that wasn’t.  Or maybe even before. The fact he can’t bear for her to comfort him, that her brother made a spectacle at his grandmother’s funeral....it’s just a couple last nails in the coffin that is their relationship.

It hurts, after years of friendship, after all they’ve been through together, after sacrificing her relationship with Luka—both romantically and then platonically—that it ends like this.

“ _Not with a bang but a whimper_ ,” she mutters to herself.

She had been so tempted earlier in the lounge to tell Luka everything that was going on. He’s one of the best listeners she knows, and now she kind of regrets not having told him. Who is she supposed to talk to now, especially with Luka leaving so soon?

A train approaches, and Abby makes a split-second decision she hopes she won’t regret.

&&&

She almost turns around to go home a dozen times. God, for all she knows, he might well have  _company_  as a last hurrah before he leaves. She can’t quite say why she doesn’t just give up, but somehow, she knows he’ll want to see her. Abby summons the courage to go up to his floor and rings Luka’s doorbell.

He answers before she has a chance to question herself again, his look of confusion turning to one of surprise and then some other emotion he masks too quickly for her to identify.

“Can I come in, or…?”

“Of course,” he says, motioning for her to enter.

She takes a deep breath, making her way to the kitchen counter. It’s scrubbed clean, more free of clutter than she’s ever seen it. “If you don’t want me here—I know you leave tomorrow and probably just need to sleep—”

“I can sleep on the plane, Abby, and my flight isn’t until the afternoon. I just...what are you doing here?”

She hesitates. “I—Carter and I had a fight. After my brother ruined his grandmother’s funeral.”

“Ah,” Luka says. He’s inscrutable, she hates that she can’t read his responses the way she used to.

“It’s just...you asked what was wrong earlier, and I didn’t answer. And maybe it’s not fair of me, but I don’t really  _have_  anyone else to talk to.”

He graciously doesn’t point out that he’s had no one to talk to (outside of his...conquests, and she’s pretty sure he’s not telling them his life story) for the better part of a year.

Instead he softens, placing a hand on her shoulder to guide her to the couch before taking a seat at the other end. “What happened? You can tell me. I was just surprised to see you, sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.  _I’m_  the one who’s sorry, bursting in on your last night here for a while.”

“I’m glad you’re here. It’ll be good to spend some time together before I go away.”

Abby shrugs. “Well, you know my family. Always doing the most inconvenient thing.”

Luka’s mouth is a wry twist at that, though he waves it aside. “But they’re your family, and you’re you. You can’t  _not_  be there for them.”

“Yeah. Eric called me—after months of radio silence—the same night Carter’s grandmother died.”

“And you went to get him.”

She rubs a hand over her face. “Yep. John needed me there for him, and I had to get Eric.”

“Not to be rude, but his grandmother was dead. Eric is alive and needed you more,” he says, half apologetic.

“That’s pretty much what Carter said, only with a lot more vitriol,” she replies with a snort.

“Abby...you need someone who’s there for you too.”

“He has been mostly, as much as I’ve let him be.”

Luka just makes a non-committal sound.

“Maybe it would have blown over if I hadn’t had to take Eric to the funeral. And apparently he was off his meds.”

“Oh, god, what happened?”

Abby huffs out a laugh. “I think what didn’t happen is the better question. He pissed on a tree in full view of everyone there, started yelling, and then ended up falling into Mrs. Carter’s open grave.”

His eyes widen in horror. “Shit. I’d offer you a drink, but...maybe we can order Thai and they can bring us coffee or pop too?”

“That sounds good.”

She smiles as she watches him place the call to the place they usually ordered from when they were dating and then when she was staying with him. The familiarity of the sight of Luka, casually disheveled and trying to take care of them—and the way he gestures with his hands even when he’s on the phone—it warms her.

While he finishes the call, she finally looks around. Frowning, she turns back to Luka. When he hangs up, he meets her accusing stare with befuddlement. “What? What is it?”

“What happened to all your stuff? Your TV and playstation? Your artwork? A bunch of kitchen gadgets?” Now that she’s looking, she realizes just how bare the room is. Aside from the larger pieces of furniture, there’s not much there.

His face turns a dull red, and he runs his hand through his hair in a sign of nervousness she’s all too familiar with. “I...I sold them.”

Her eyes narrow. “And  _why_  did you sell them?”

“I—well, I won’t need them in the Congo.”

“But you’ll need them when you get back.”

He avoids her gaze, only loud silence greeting her ears.

“You...you weren’t planning on coming back,” she says, and it’s like a knife to the chest. To her consternation, her eyes well with tears. But after the day she’s had, she’s entitled to a little crying. She wipes at them roughly.

“I, ah, I wasn’t sure when. Or for how long.”

Her heart is in her stomach. Or her stomach feels leaden. Just...one of those cliches about how her stomach doesn’t feel great and she can’t quite process this news. “Why, Luka?”

He turns and leans on the counter, faced away from her, though she turns to watch him. There’s tension in every line of his body. “What’s the point in staying, Abby? I don’t have a  _life_  here, not really. Everything feels like...I’m just doing it because I’ve been doing it for so long. Everything is just routine now. No one needs me. There, in the Congo—they need me.”

“ _I_  need you,” she says, voice breaking over the words.

He turns back around at the sound of her distress, though he stays where he is. She can’t take the knowing, almost pitying look on his face. “No, you don’t. You haven’t for a long time, if you ever did.”

“So, what, you were just going to leave forever, just like that?” She’s angry now, and only gathering steam. “So when you said goodbye to me earlier, that was a forever goodbye? And you weren’t going to tell me?” Her voice goes small and hurt at that last part.

He finally crosses the space between them, reaching out for her when he’s a foot away. He drops his hand before he touches her, then looks down at his feet. Biting his lip, he says, “I didn’t think you would care.”

“Of course I care!”

Luka goes very still, stunned into silence. Just then, the doorbell rings.

It’s the delivery guy with their food. Luka goes to the door, takes the assorted bags from him, pays him, and then brings the bags over to the counter. Abby helps Luka take everything out of the bags and get it sorted out, a surreal pause in...whatever this is.

She takes the opportunity to pull herself together, to calm down. At least externally. Her mind still races, and her heart aches. Luka really thought she didn’t care, or cared so little? And he’s leaving, basically for good?

Once they’re settled in with their food, Luka pauses after swallowing a bite. “We haven’t really talked in a long time.”

Abby sighs, then nods. “I know.” A deep breath, and then she adds, “And I’m sorry. I...I should have been there for you.”

“I didn’t make it easy,” he said with a self-deprecating shrug.

“Neither of us ever do, I guess. But god, Luka...I always care. I’ve cared since—well, at least since the mugger, if not before. We just—I-I’ve been—ugh. I tried to put some distance between you and me when I started dating Carter. I guess I thought it would help, that it wouldn’t be like it was when I was dating you. I...you’re still my friend. And honestly, I’m not sure it did work. You’ve been...well—”

“—a mess? To put it brightly. ” He interjects with a rueful smile.

She smiles back. “Lightly, but yeah. And Carter and I are on the rocks anyway.”

“It doesn’t mean you can’t fix it with him.”

“Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. We’ll just have to see. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, no matter what.”

Luka takes a deep breath. “So where does that leave anything? My ticket is one-way for now, and I was going to let the Alliance know more later. I still...I don’t know, Abby.”

“Just...promise me you’ll come back?” It’s not something she does often, but she’s prepared to beg. “Please, Luka.”

Seeing her like this—it seems to hit him how desperate she is, and after along pause, he nods firmly. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

Her shoulders slump with relief.

“Besides, maybe you’re right. The pizza here...I’d miss it if I didn’t come back,” he says. It’s a transparent attempt to lighten the mood, but she appreciates it nonetheless. He meant his promise; now they need a chance to relax a little.

Still, she can’t resist driving the point home one last time. “When you do get back, I’ll order one for us. The pizza will miss you too, even if you’re just gone a couple months.”

“Good to know,” he says, nudging the outside of her thigh with his knee. Except for their hug earlier today (and that almost overwhelmed her), it’s the most they’ve touched in months, and she won’t lie, it sends a thrill through her. She won’t act on it, not with Carter still in the picture (however far to the sides they’ve pushed themselves) but...well, that’s something to consider another day.

He leans his head back against the couch. “I’d say we should watch TV, but that’s not really possible now.”

“I guess not.” She pauses, then grins up at him. “Do you still have playing cards?”

“I packed them, but they’re easy to get out. Hold on.” Luka jumps up and runs up to his bedroom, and Abby doesn’t bother not staring at his ass as he goes. It is, after all, the last time she’ll see that sight for a while, even if he’s coming back (he promised!).

When he comes back down, they settle into a game of rummy. As they play, he casually says, “You know, I might be able to send a postcard or two this trip.”

“Lucky recipients. And funny thing, I’ve even gotten an email address set up.”

“I helped you set that up, genius. I know.”

“Hey, I just thought it was worth a reminder,” Abby says, struggling and failing to hide a smirk.

“Definitely,” he agrees.

A couple hours later, they decide to call the game a tie when they realize they’ve stopped keeping track of the score. Luka needs to go to sleep, and Abby isn’t feeling as wired anymore either.

He calls her a cab and walks her down when it arrives for her. Pushing her hair back behind her ear, she’s trying to decide whether to hug him again when she just decides to hell with it. She throws her arms around his waist, catching him off-guard. After a brief pause, though, Luka melts into the hug, his arms wrapping around her. She savors the warmth, the  _rightness_  and homeyness of it, until the cab driver honks and yells at them to hurry up.

“Take care of yourself, Luka.”

“You too, Abby.”

With that, she slides into the backseat of the cab and goes home. She turns back as they drive off, waving when she finds him still standing on the sidewalk. He waves back, looking more hopeful and awake than she’s seen him in months.

Abby sleeps better that night than she has in ages.

&&&

It’s funny, Luka thinks, sitting across from Carter and realizing they’re something like friends now. Africa changes people, and the work they do together makes all the issues and history between them seem so much smaller in comparison.

Not that Abby has ceased to be important, not at all. True to his word, Luka sent her a postcard right after he landed, he’s working on another to send the next time he goes to town, and they’ve been emailing...albeit sporadically, given the state of their internet connection here.

It’s just that with distance, he and Carter are maybe more able to see the ways they’re alike, the things they enjoy about each other’s company and the ways they can work as a team.

They sit in companionable, contemplative silence, each nursing a lukewarm beer. It’s hard over here on days like today, when they lose patients they could have saved so much more easily in Chicago. If only they had the resources.

Gillian storms through the room, agitated and angry. “I’m going to bed, and I don’t want to be alone.” Her words echo through the room as she goes to the little room she’s claimed as her own.

It’s understandable, wanting the touch of another person, reminders that you’re still alive when surrounded by so much death. Luka is tempted, definitely thinking about it. He’s afraid, though, that to go to Gillian like this—just to feel something pleasant—will be nothing more than a continuation of his nonsense from this last year.

While he’s mulling it over, Carter stands, raising an eyebrow at Luka and nodding in the direction of Gillian’s room. “Do you mind if I…?”

Well, maybe Abby  _isn’t_  as distant as he thought and maybe Luka isn’t completely over their history, after all. He sees red at Carter’s gall. “Really? When you have Abby? You’d really jeopardize that for some comfort?” Before he realizes it, he’s made his way over to Carter to loom over him, much as you can loom over someone just a few inches shorter.

Carter gives him an odd look, then sighs. “Abby didn’t tell you that she and I broke up? We ended things before I came out here.”

“Oh,” Luka says, taking a step back. His anger fizzles out as abruptly as it came to life, and he’s left more embarrassed than anything. “Uh, so...ah, go for it.”

“Thanks,” Carter says with a smirk. He starts to go to Gillian’s room, pausing in the doorway. “Oh, and if you wanted to use it, the SAT phone is on the table outside my room.”

Sheepish at how utterly predictable he is, but grateful nonetheless, he calls out his own thanks before heading to the phone.

He walks outside, knowing the connection will be better there. Dialing the number he still knows by heart, he prays she’s not working right now.

Thankfully, she picks up with a cautious greeting. “Hello?”

“Abby?”

“Luka?”

Her voice washes over him, and he exhales with relief. “Yeah.”

“Is everything okay? Are you all right?”

“I-I’m fine. I just—are you okay? You didn’t tell me that you and Carter broke up.” He wonders why she didn’t mention it in one of her emails. The little bit of hurt he feels isn’t strong enough to outweigh his concern for her, but it’s there.

Abby huffs a laugh, even though the static garbles it. “It’s fine, really. It was a long time coming. And in your emails you sounded...I don’t know, happier and more fulfilled working over there. I didn’t want to—well, I didn’t want to put anything on you. Especially since I really am doing okay.”

She’s right, he realizes. As useful and fulfilling as his work here is, if she’d told him that and he had any doubts about her being okay, he’d have left and gone to her immediately.

“That’s good,” he says gruffly.

“Are you doing okay? You sound a little off.”

“It’s probably just the connection, but I have been feeling a little under the weather.”

There’s a pause, and he worries the call cut out, and then she continues, “Remember to look after yourself. Um, do you have a return date yet?”

He smiles. “Ah, not yet, but I’ve been here six weeks. I’m thinking two months is a good amount of time to be gone. I’ll get in touch with the Alliance tomorrow.”

“Oh, good,” she says with a sigh, and he can all but hear her smiling too. “Just let me know any flight details, and I’ll pick you up from the airport.”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Hey, I have to head out to work, but thanks for calling.”

“It was good to hear your voice.”

“Yeah, you too.” She’s somehow shy about it, and it warms him enough that he doesn’t feel the chills he’s been ignoring the last couple of days.

“See you soon, Abby.”

&&&

It’s three weeks before he makes it back, and the last week of that is one of the tensest ones of Abby’s life.

Carter had called the night before Luka was originally due back. Any awkwardness between them was lost in the news that Luka has malaria—and a fairly bad case at that. They were taking him to Kinshasa, where they could stabilize him enough for a long transatlantic flight.

The change in plans means that Luka is arriving during one of her shifts. Apparently one of the nurses from the Congo was coming along to make sure it went all right for him, but she’s planning on heading out pretty quickly after dropping Luka off at the hospital.

Abby can’t stop glancing at the doors to the ambulance bay. Hopefully she’ll be able to take a break when he gets here. She’s the nurse manager, dammit, she can tell the other nurses when she’s taking a breather, as long as the hapless denizens of Chicago behave and stay uninjured for the time being. She wishes she wasn’t stuck on her shift, wishes that she were wearing something other than her old scrubs, but Luka may well be too out of it to notice anyway.

And, she reminds herself sternly, she’s here to work. What she wears doesn’t matter.

(It’s not very effective, as far as reminders go.)

At 12:57, Zadro wheels Luka in through the ambulance bay. Abby can hear her heart beating in her chest, and she nearly trips over her own feet to go over to him. His face lights up in a bright smile when he sees her, and she knows her answering grin is just as wide.

She nearly shouts to Kerry that she’s going to go take Luka up to ICU, and Kerry accepts it with a long-suffering sigh and a wave of her hand.

“Hey,” she manages breathlessly when she gets to him, wincing internally that even with two months to think about what to say, that’s all she can come up with.

He doesn’t mind. “Hi.”

They just continue to grin goofily at each other as they head to the elevator. Abby ignores Zadro’s knowing, amused glance between the two of them, lost as she is in drinking in the sight of Luka.

Finally, they get him up to ICU, and Abby offers to handle getting him set up in his room there. Hopefully he’ll only be there a day or two before being able to go home, and since he is still a doctor here, they’d been able to get him a private room.

She feels his eyes on her as she hooks up his IV and helps him to his feet to get into the bed. She reaches out to steady him when his legs tremble, flushing at his sharp intake of breath. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he says, reaching weakly to pat her arm. “Just...you look good.”

Smiling up at him, she bites her lip. “You look...like hell.”

“Too much partying on the plane.”

Abby can’t help but giggle at that. He really does look pretty bad, but it seems like he’ll recover, if he’s joking around with her like this. “Oh, hey, where’s your nurse friend that was supposed to be bringing you by?”

“Gillian? With the longer delay in New York, she didn’t really have much time, so she just helped me into the ambulance before catching her flight to Montreal. I knew you all could handle it here.”

“I’m glad she got you here in one piece, though.”

“Me too.”

She tries to glare at Luka, though she fails miserably. “I’m still mad at you, you know.”

“For what?” He has that ridiculous puppy-dog look she can’t resist.

“Getting malaria! And not telling anyone how bad it was.”

“The other people, they needed help more—”

“YOU’RE going to need help by the time I’m done with you!”

“Abby?” He’s smiling at her, and her heart flips in her chest.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

She can’t stop herself at that, though she tries to be gentle; she wraps her arms around him, resting her head on the reassuringly solid plane of his chest. His arms engulf her, and she breathes in the comforting, familiar scent of him that remains unchanged. He’s too thin, but it’s nothing that rest and a good diet won’t fix.

Speaking of rest, she finally pulls back from his embrace and helps him into the bed. She fusses over him, ignoring his good-natured eyerolls. “Sorry I couldn’t get you the pizza to welcome you back.”

“Maybe when I can actually walk with you to pick it up.”

“Oh, um, yeah, and maybe we’ll have more to celebrate by then.”

He raises an eyebrow in question.

Abby smiles and says, “I’m going back to med school, finally. I had to get Richard to cosign my student loan, but starting in a month or so, I’ll be Med Student Abby again.”

“That’s wonderful,” he says, beaming at her. “I always knew you would be a great doctor. I like Nurse Lockhart, but Doctor Lockhart will be even better.”

“Luka?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for believing in me.”

He reaches for her hand and brings it to his lips. “Just like you believed in me, even this past year.”

Leaning on the side of his bed, she reaches and caresses his face. “It’s what we do.”

“Always,” he says, turning his head to kiss her palm.

Abby inhales and shakes her head, even if it doesn’t slow her racing pulse, forcing a laugh. “You probably won’t even remember this conversation by tomorrow.”

“I’m not delirious, Abby. I’ll remember then. And I’ll still remember it when you’re not in med school anymore too, if you want.”

“I—you’d wait that long?”

“For as long as it takes, okay?”

“Okay,” she says with a tremulous smile. Luka just looks at her with a quiet confidence.

For once, she’s not filled with fear. Maybe, just maybe, this is something like hope.

Taking his hand in hers, it’s her turn to pull it toward her and brush a kiss across his knuckles. It’s their quiet, unspoken promise, that even if they can’t say everything today, it’s a start. “Well, let’s get you to bed.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that for a long time.”

“Yeah, yeah, save it for later, dummy.”

“I will.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their feelings deepen, even as the reality of being a med student and attending physician starts to sink in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I should just accept who I am as a person, and know that it's 50/50 that a one-shot will stay that. Somekindofflower _did_ egg me on, but really, I didn't want to leave this 'verse just yet. I'm planning for 4 chapters now, sigh.
> 
> Also, I'm not a medical professional, so please excuse any errors you find there.

********  
  


Luka ends up staying in the hospital a few more days than he’d like. Of course, anything more than overnight qualifies, but his pleas to leave are met with emphatic no’s from all the doctors who see him, especially when they find out he sold his bed and was planning on sleeping on his couch.

Finally, Abby offers to let him sleep at her place until he’s well enough to buy a new bed for his apartment. “Besides, I’m a nurse and can check on him to make sure he’s following doctors’ orders,” she tells his ICU doctor and Kerry.

Both of them judiciously ignore Kerry’s eyerolls. They cannot, however, keep from blushing when he’s okayed to leave, on the condition that they “keep...activities...to a minimum” while he heals.

She still has work, so it’s not like she’s waiting on him as his own personal nurse or anything, though the mental image of that does make his eyes glaze over in a way that has nothing to do with illness.

She drives him back to her apartment and helps him up the stairs, which does manage to quench his ardor. In fact, by the time she assists him into her bed—a place he’s dreamt of being again for the last two years—he’s so tuckered out that he falls asleep immediately.

When he wakes up and wanders out, she’s in the living room watching television, and he startles her with his quiet, “Hey.”

“Shit! You’re awake!”

“Slept a whole lot, but I think I’m hungry now. And besides, you need to go to bed soon too, don’t you?”

“Luka, I was planning on sleeping on the couch. You don’t fit, and you’re healing.”

He sighs. “But you need your rest. You’re working a lot and need to sleep better.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m just trying to take more shifts before I start med school again so I’ll be a little better off financially,” she says.

“Abby…”

After a couple moments, Abby throws her hands up in concession. “Fine, but I’m not kicking you out. For the little bit that we’re both here, we can share. Unless...you hate that idea.”

Luka really didn’t have words for how much he opposite-of-hates the idea, even if his vision of sharing a bed was very different. “No, I just—I take up a lot of space, and I still get feverish sometimes.”

“Hopefully the fevers will subside soon. And I know how much space you take up, it’s fine,” she says, cheeks his new favorite shade of red.

He smiles. “I’ll try not to be all over you. And it’s just until I get a new bed.”

Looking very much like she’s about to protest, she eventually just says, “I have next Tuesday off, and I can take you shopping for a bed if you’re feeling up to it.”

“That will be nice.”

“Okay. Oh, and there’s some chicken noodle soup from the deli in the fridge for you.”

“Okay.”

&&&

He is feeling better on Tuesday, so they head out mid-morning to a mattress store. It’s simultaneously torture and bliss sharing Abby’s bed, but he really is doing far too well to do so without it being a flimsy and transparent excuse at this point. She’s just as ornery in the mornings as he remembers, but the soft warmth of her nestled up to him in slumber is so  _ _comfortable__. And it occasionally also makes for uncomfortable moments while he tries to will away his body’s reactions to her nearness.

So yes, it’s time for him to buy a bed and go back to his apartment, though he doesn’t really want to be away from her again.

As soon as they go into the retailer, a salesperson comes up to them. “Looking for a new bed for you two, Mr. and Mrs…?”

Luka can feel the color heating his cheeks, and Abby undoubtedly matches. “Oh, ah, we’re not married.”

“Well, that’s certainly not a problem for us,” the salesman says with a wink.

He glances over at Abby, breathing a sigh of relief at how obviously torn she is between mortification and amusement. She leans into amusement. “Well, show us your king-size beds. I mean, look at this giant.”

With a knowing smirk at them, the salesman leads them to that section of the store, Luka just shaking his head all the while.

Eventually, Luka settles on one that’s firm enough for his taste, but Abby still sighs happily when she sinks down into it. A few blocks away, he manages to find a bedroom set he likes and some bedding. While she doesn’t weigh in much, he does try to pick things that she doesn’t grimace at (she did  _ _not__  care for the black leather headboard he’d been eyeing briefly, alas).

By then he’s tired, and they go back to her place for one last evening together like this. His new furniture is to be delivered the next day while she’s at work, though she promises to come over when she’s off to make sure he gets settled in and isn’t overdoing it.

Back at her place, they change into their pajamas and settle onto the couch to watch TV before going to sleep. Luka aches at the simple domesticity of it, and for a moment, he wishes he didn’t have to leave, or that there were some loophole for them to pursue this right now.

Instead, as they climb into the bed that night, he just says, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me stay here, and for looking out for me so that I didn’t have to stay at the hospital.”

She reaches out and squeezes his bicep as she gets comfortable beside him. “It’s no trouble, Luka. Consider it my way of trying to pay you back for letting me stay with you for two months.”

“Mmm, you don’t owe me a debt or anything. Besides, you didn’t sleep in my bed back then,” he says, taking her hand in his.

“I think...that would have gone very differently.”

He laughs. “Yeah, probably.” There are a million things he wants to say, but now isn’t the time so instead, he just sighs, adding, “Good night, Abby.”

“‘Night, Luka.”

&&&

Due to a scheduling snafu, it’s a couple days after he’s moved back into his place before Abby can come over to see how he’s getting settled in again.

She arrives at nearly ten, and after he shows her how his new furniture is set up, they go for a walk. It’s a nice late summer night, they’re young-ish, and it shouldn’t be wasted.

They end up walking near the lake along the same path they took on their first date, and Luka laughs, pointing this out to Abby as they sit at one of the benches.

Her mouth quirks upward. “Well, I kept an eye on the shadows. No muggers tonight.”

Snorting, he changes the subject. “You start med school again tomorrow. Excited?”

“Yeah, it should be good. I’m doing a surgical rotation, so I won’t be in the ER as much, unfortunately. When do you start back at work?”

“Next week. I wanted to go in sooner, but Kerry wants me to take it slow at first. Why surgery?”

“Oh, I promise I’m not defecting to become a surgeon. I just think it’s really useful if you’re an ER doctor,” she says.

He nods. “It is. Though I’m glad you’re not wanting to be a surgeon. You’re not arrogant enough.”

“Do you think I could get there with some practice, though?”

“No, it seems like a skill they’re born with.”

She giggles, and he beams, glowing at having amused her. “Oh, the new nurse who’s taking over for me started today.”

“Yeah?”

“She seems okay. She’s a single mom, so...all the respect, but she’s kind of intense.”

“And she’s the nurse manager?”

“Nah, I think they’re making Connie do that for now, but they just needed someone else since I am abandoning nursing.”

“I’m sure she’ll get used to it, but no one can compare to you,” Luka says loyally.

Abby huffs. “That’s very sweet of you to say, but honestly, I hated being nurse manager. I’d rather just be with the patients.”

“I understand. I know I could maybe have bigger prospects if I wanted to do something in administration like Kerry, but…”

“Yeah.”

The bask in the relative calm of the evening, staring out at the water. Finally, Luka breaks the comfortable silence. “So, nervous?”

“Yes and no. It’ll be weird to start med school again after three years. I won’t know any of the other students anymore, and in some ways, the approach to medicine between nursing and doctoring is completely different. But, you know, I’ve done it before, and the faces will be familiar.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says with a grin.

“Oh, shut up. Some of those faces are very nice,” she says, lightly punching his arm.

“Hmm, I wonder who you can be thinking of.”

“Susan, obviously.”

“I never knew you felt that way about her.”

“I would have said something sooner, but you know how it is. She and Chuck are actually still seeing each other, by the way.”

“Her ex-husband, the flight nurse?” Luka asks, glad the streetlights aren’t bright enough to show how he’s blushing. Catching Susan and Chuck together always reminds him of when Susan caught him, which now just makes him think of someone catching him and Abby...he shakes his head before he can get too distracted.

“Yep. I don’t know how serious they are, but that’s a thing.” Abby shrugs as if to say she doesn’t get it.

“Hmm. Well, you’ll have to tell me all the gossips at the hospital. You know I don’t know anything unless people tell me.”

She smiles, scooching closer to him to bump his thigh with her knee. “Of course. I’ll tell you all about the new med students and residents so you’ll be prepared.”

“Shit, is Romano still the acting Chief of the ER?”

Abby groans. “Unfortunately.”

“Ugh.”

“On the bright side, he probably won’t be for long. I’m taking bets for who murders him first.”

They exchange a look before saying in unison, “Kerry!” He can’t help laughing, and soon she joins in.

&&&

Abby’s kind of glad Luka isn’t there for her first week back in med school. It goes well enough, but it’s a little bit of a struggle adjusting to all being new (again) and yet not. She’s up in surgery, so working with Elizabeth is a nice change of pace.

Elizabeth is finally starting to dip her toes back into the dating world, which, good for her. Abby’s glad to see her moving on, even if she still seems hesitant. Then again, Abby can’t imagine losing someone like that she loved, had committed her life to. If Luka hadn’t come back from Africa, if his malaria had been worse...and they weren’t even dating. She pushes it out of her mind, unwilling to dwell on the ramifications of that when she has patients to see.

Luka is coming back today. Well, he’s already back, Abby just needs a reason to head on down to the ER to say hello. She hasn’t seen him since their walk the previous week, but they’ve talked on the phone a couple of times. She’s filled him in on the other two med students she sees a lot, Neela and Lester. Neither of them are exactly outgoing or social, but maybe she’ll warm up to them.

“Abby, I have to do this emergency appendectomy, but the ER is calling for a surgical consult. Do you think you could head down?” Elizabeth asks apologetically.

Jumping at the opportunity, Abby tries to respond as casually as she can, “Sure. Absolutely. Who needs the consult?”

“Dr. Kovač, I believe. There’s a trauma with a penetrating knife wound.”

“Okay, I’ll head down.”

“And Abby? Say hello to Luka for me,” Elizabeth says, visibly holding in a laugh at Abby’s excitement.

Abby’s face burns, but she hurries to the elevator nonetheless.

She heads over to Trauma 2 as quickly as she can, smiling at the sight of Luka showing Pratt and Lester one of his techniques for maintaining a patient’s status when the severity of the injury is still unknown while Sam keeps an eye on the patient’s vitals. “Hey, I heard someone needed a surgical consult?”

Luka’s face lights up at the sight of her. “Yes, that’s us. Nice to see you down here.”

“Thanks. What have we got?”

“Penetrating wound to the lower abdomen, but we need to know if the metal missed the organs or if he’ll need surgery.”

“Is this an assault case? I heard it was a knife.”

“Accidental and not a knife, actually, but his work foreman removed the metal when he panicked?”

“Okay, well let me take a look,” she says, pulling on a pair of gloves, still smiling at Luka.

“And Abby?”

“Yeah?”

“The white coat looks good on you.”

&&&

They all start to get back into the swing of things. Whenever Abby’s and Luka’s shifts intersect or overlap, they get in the habit of going for coffee together at the Jumbo Mart or at the Roach Coach before shifts start or during breaks. Abby wonders if Luka gets nearly as many knowing looks as she does, or if he simply doesn’t notice. Maybe he’s just better at ignoring them.

“When are you coming back down from surgery? We miss you,” he says, putting on his best puppy dog look. They’re sitting at the dinky little table in the lounge with their styrofoam cups of steaming coffee.

 _ _That face should be illegal__ , she thinks. “I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.”

“Well, I’m plenty fond already. When are you done with your rotation?”

“Um...a couple weeks, at the beginning of October. I still have a couple more six-week non-ER rotations to go, though, and I’m not sure if I want to leave them to the end.”

“You  _ _should__  leave them for the end.”

“I should?” She’s uncertain. While he wouldn’t lead her astray as a doctor, she needs to make sure his reasons are...professional.

“Yes. Next year, you’ll be in the ER all the time. For the rest of your life you might be. So save them for the new year, and enjoy the little break before the ER takes you back.” Luka’s unflagging confidence in her as a doctor, as always, warms her.

She smiles at him. “That makes sense. I’m thinking...NICU and Psych? My experience in OB could help, and god knows I’ve been around Psych enough.”

“Those sound good,” he says with a smile, before he looks away. “Uh, listen, Abby...speaking of absence and fondness…”

Her heart sinks and she just looks at him.

He clears his throat and continues, “Carter and I have, ah, been keeping in touch.”

“Oh, okay?” Is he leaving (her) again?

Luka runs a hand through his hair, and she represses the urge to reach over and straighten it. “He’s started seeing someone. And...he thinks it might be serious.”

“Wow, already?” She’s not hurt, not really. It’s just fast, and she resents that she can’t exactly pursue what she wants with Luka right now. But there’s also relief in knowing that this is the news, not that Luka wants to go back.

“Yeah, apparently they met in Kinshasa after he took me there. I don’t know her, other than what Carter has told me.”

He still sounds nervous, so she reaches over and places her hand over his. “Luka, it’s fine. I’m just glad he got you back safely.”

“You’re not upset?”

“I mean, I’m not thrilled, but Carter and I are done.”

Leaning back in his char, he considers her, though he places his other hand over hers, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. “I just...I know you lo—cared about him a lot, and you put a lot into your relationship. I didn’t want you to be hurt if you found out from someone else.”

“I did care a lot, and I loved him—as a friend. But we were pretty doomed from the start. He wanted to change me, and I was, I don’t know...looking for stability? It felt like we should work because we were such good friends, so it was hard to admit that we both fell short of each other’s expectations.” Her throat is a little dry at offering up so much, but Luka needs to know.

“He did care about you too, though.”

“I know. But he also had this vision of me that wasn’t—isn't—who I am, and he tried to get us to fit this idea he had of us.” She blows out a breath and takes a gulp of coffee before continuing, staring down at her cup.  _ _In for a penny, in for a pound__ , she decides, continuing, “I kind of mentioned it before—before you went to the Congo, but one of the things I regretted from when you and I were dating is that I let Carter come between us. If I had kept you closer, the same thing would have happened between Carter and me, and I didn’t want that. Not because...not because he mattered more, but I just—I don’t want to be the girl who doesn’t learn from her mistakes. I did so much to make that relationship with him work, Luka, but I don’t think it should be that hard.”

He pulls his hands away from hers and wraps them around his cup, not meeting her eyes. “We tried before and didn’t make it work.”

“I know. But I also don’t think it’s that simple. We didn’t try as hard as we could have, and we just didn’t  _ _talk__  about stuff, and there was so much going on. I cared so much it scared me, but I...I didn’t really know how you felt.”

Luka sets down his cup and reaches for her with both hands, turning her to face him. “I don’t want you to doubt that I care. Ever.”

“Then tell me. Talk to me.”

“I’ll try. But sometimes I’m better at showing,” he says, leaning toward her. His lips are an inch away when the door bursts open, and Susan comes rushing in. They jump apart.

“Hey guys, sorry, but we have multiple GSWs coming in. Luka, I need you out there. And Abby, stick around in case we need a surgical consult.”

Giving each other one last longing look, they follow after Susan.

&&&

Luka wants to bring up that they nearly kissed again, he really does. Or better yet, actually kiss Abby. It just doesn’t happen that day, or the following. Then they’re not scheduled together for a while or are busy with other things for so long that he just about loses his nerve.

Meanwhile, Alex—the son of that new nurse, Sam—starts coming around more, trying to spend time with him. Luka can’t say no to him, no more than he can to any child. Sam doesn’t seem to like it or him, but he doesn’t much care.

Finally, Abby is done with her surgical rotation and comes back to the ER. He comes in one day to find her at the admit desk, going over something on the computer, and he can’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. “It’s a stranger!”

Her brow furrows in confusion before smoothing out, her lips twitching with amusement. “Generally, it’s ‘hey, stranger,’ but sure.”

“Good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

At that moment, Romano comes by, snapping his fingers at him and Abby. “We don’t pay you to stand around and make time with nurses, Mr. Croatia. Or nurses pretending to be doctors, whatever you are this month, Lockhart. Let’s go, people.”

Luka clenches his jaw, but Abby catches his eye and places her hand on his forearm as they head away from the admit desk.

“Well,  _ _Dr__. Kovač, can I observe the patient that just came in?” she asks with a roll of her eyes.

“Not only that, but you can place the chest tube,” he says, relaxing at how easily she brushes off Romano’s nasty words.

They get the patient taken care of, then head to lockup to get the meds the woman will need. He lets Abby handle it to make sure she can handle prescriptions. She can, of course, so when she’s about to leave, he reaches for her hand, pulling her back into the small space.

She squeaks as she nearly crashes into his chest. Steadying her, he pulls her closer.

“We got interrupted a couple weeks ago.”

Her eyes drop as a blush spreads across her cheeks, though she doesn’t pull away. “I thought you’d forgotten. It’s been a while.”

“I didn’t forget, I just…”

She looks up at him questioningly.  _ _Ah, to hell with words__. Luka lowers his head and brushes his lips across hers. He pulls back, raising his eyebrows to see if he’s overstepped. When he sees that her eyes are closed and she just leans into him further, he presses his lips to hers in a far more demanding kiss. She returns it with enthusiasm, and he’s running through his extensive knowledge of the hospital’s layout to think of the closest supply closet when he hears a giggle.

They pull apart and freeze at the sight of Haleh laughing as she walks away from the entrance to lockup. Turning toward each other, they stare helplessly.

Finally, Abby clears her throat. “So, that was…”

“Yeah,” he agrees, letting out a breath.

She hesitates, then says, “Um, maybe we should continue this—this discussion!—later?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” he says, missing her as soon as she walks away to get back to work.

&&&

It doesn’t happen, at least not in the way they intend. It’s the next day when they’re working together that what’s growing between them sputters to a halt.

He’s supervising her when she tells their patient that the procedure that will help him is a simple one, a quick fix with no lasting repercussions. Abby’s heart sinks when he makes a face and asks to speak to her outside the room.

“Abby...it won’t be as simple as that. It looks like he probably retained some infected tissue from his last procedure. Surgery is going to have to operate, and they may even need to amputate.”

She pales. “I—I didn’t realize...it didn’t seem…”

“That’s why it’s important to take a thorough history and not make any promises before you know the full extent of the injury or illness,” Luka says, eyes searching her face.

“I’m sorry. I just thought...nine times out of ten…”

“I know. You’ll learn, Abby. We’ve all had to.” He’s still looking at her as if there’s more he wants to say, but that this is also horrifyingly embarrassing and he doesn’t know how.

She looks down. “Thanks.”

“Now for the hard part.”

Taking a deep breath, she nods. “I have to go in and tell him I was wrong.”

“Yes.”

So Abby goes in, feeling all the while that she’s lost something. She only hopes it’s not Luka’s respect.

&&&

Luka finds Abby in the lounge when her shift is over. She looks so glum and sad, and he knows that what he has to say probably won’t help, and he aches. He just can’t see a way around it.

“Hey,” he says.

She looks up, and her mouth twists in a half-hearted smile. “Hi.”

“Want to get coffee? You can tell me how the rest of the shift went.”

“Sure,” she says. She’s the farthest thing from an idiot, so she obviously knows their conversation will be more than that.

They walk over to the Jumbo Mart and he buys her a coffee. They head out from there, walking aimlessly. He’ll have to go back in, but they need to talk, and he prays with everything in him that he doesn’t mangle things.

“It...it went okay. I sent Mr. Johnson up to surgery, and they’re going to try to go in and remove all the infected tissue before considering amputation. He was upset, but not really with me. Which was worse, somehow,” Abby says when they’re nearing one of the parks.

“It’s hard,” is all he manages for a while. Finally, he clears his throat, toying with the sleeve on his coffee cup. “I...I want nothing more than to kiss you and tell you it’s going to be okay, but I can’t. Kiss you, that is.”

Her face falls, and she turns her head away from him. “Right.”

“Not because I don’t want it, eh? I-I just can’t be your teacher and this. I’m not objective, and it’s not fair to you or the other med students.”

“I know,” she says, letting out a sigh. “It’s for the best, probably. I really did miss you as my friend, Luka. We’ll still have that, right?”

He sets down his coffee cup and reaches over to place his hand on her shoulder. “You can never lose me as a friend. You just, well...even when we weren’t connecting a lot, I always knew I could count on you, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

Her answering smile is bittersweet, and she puts her hand over his. “That’s how I feel too, you know. And there’s no ‘deserving’ in friendship, okay?”

“Okay. Uhh, want a ride home?” He forgets that he has to go back in his desire not to part from her, then decides he’ll make it work if he has to.

“Um, no, but thanks. I need to swing by the store on my way home.”

“Send me a text or page when you get home? It’s late.”

She stands, stepping away from him. She’s still smiling, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Will do.”

Luka watches her until she disappears from sight, then finally turns back to walk to the hospital, his heart heavier than it has been in months.

&&&

They’re doing okay at this friendship thing, Abby thinks with a smile as Luka walks away. It hasn’t been without its awkward moments, but they can still get coffee and talk and joke, and they even went to the movies a few days ago. It works.

It’s Thanksgiving, but that doesn’t mean they get the day off, especially not with Romano on his bitter rampage against happiness and joy. Still, it’s not enough to dampen her spirits. She’s back from her lunch break that she spent reviewing for her boards with Luka’s help. It’s strangely invigorating, having him quiz her, in a way it isn’t when she and Neela try to help each other out.

She’s interrupted in her musing by Sam coming up beside her. Sam follow’s Abby’s gaze to Luka and raises her eyebrows. “So, what’s his story? He’s been spending a lot of time with Alex, and he’s obviously a good guy, but...I have to ask.”

“He’s a wonderful man,” Abby says firmly.

Sam’s look turns speculative. “Is he single? Alex is pushing that hard, and I’ve heard enough that it seems like he might be a good time. I haven’t gotten laid regularly in forever, and I sure wouldn’t mind if he’s willing.”

Abby tries not choke, even as she fights the urge to yell, “Mine!” Luka is her friend, but that’s all they are right now. She has no claim over him, and yeah, he probably misses female companionship, since he sure hasn’t had any that she’s aware of since getting back from the Congo. “Um, you’d have to ask him.”

She didn’t hear her approach, but Chuny comes up behind them. Abby jumps at her loud snort. “He might not be dating anyone, but he sure isn’t single,” Chuny says, giving Abby a blatant once-over.

“I don’t—that’s not—well…” Abby sputters, but can’t think of how to end the sentence without telling them things that are frankly none of their business. She wouldn’t mind telling Chuny, probably, but she hardly knows Sam.

Sam flushes and winces. “Oh, sorry.”

Chuny just smiles at Sam. “Trust me, it’s not worth it when he’s hung up on this one here,” she says, gesturing at Abby, “and has been for like three years.”

With that rather enigmatic interjection that she’ll have to think about later, Chuny leads Sam away, and Abby is left staring, feeling distinctly out of sorts.

And she’d been doing so well.

&&&

After their shift—their crazy shift involving a helicopter crash, explosions, and saving Susan’s ex-husband/boyfriend—is finally over, Luka heads toward the L platform. His heart skips a beat and he lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Abby there, staring blankly at the tracks. “Abby?”

She starts at the sound of her name and shakes her head, “Luka? Are you okay?”

He grins at her. “Boring shift, eh?”

“Piece of cake,” she agrees with a laugh. “But hey, speaking of cake, or pie, I guess, what are you doing here? I thought I overheard Alex and Sam talking about inviting you to dinner. It’s Thanksgiving.”

He slides down next to her on the bench. “It is. And I’m thankful to be here.”

“And...you said no to Sam and her son?”

“I wanted to spend the evening with people who I care about,” he says, bumping her shoulder lightly.

A smile spreads across her face slowly. “Well, I can’t offer you anything but leftovers and freezer meals.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off hers. “I’m okay with that.”

She blushes, but doesn’t look away from the steady heat of his gaze. “Or, uh, we could go somewhere?”

“That works too,” he says, unable to keep from smiling back at her. “In fact, the hotel—the one I used to live at, you remember—I think it serves a Thanksgiving meal.”

“Then what are we waiting for?!” She’s bouncing on her feet, and it’s the cutest thing he’s seen in...well, since this afternoon when he last saw her. “It’ll be faster to walk than take the train.”

“It will be,” he agrees, then offers her his arm.

After a moment’s hesitation, she takes it, and they head back down the stairs. It’s snowing, but it’s the light kind that Luka always enjoys early on in the winter. They’re quiet until Luka says, “Sam told me about a conversation she had with you and Chuny today.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks at the forced casual tone of her voice.

“Mmhmm. She said Chuny didn’t think I was single, but that you weren’t sure.”

Abby opens her mouth, but looks to be at a loss for what to say. Luka knows the feeling all too well, so he continues, “And I told her that while I might not be dating anyone, I’m only interested in one woman.”

His heart speeds up at her sharp intake of breath. “Oh.”

He puts his gloved hand over her small hand tucked into his elbow. “Yeah. The only reason I’m not pursuing that woman is because I can’t right now. But I probably will in June, unless she doesn’t want me to.”

“She wants you to,” Abby blurts out.

“I don’t mind if you change your mind, okay? But I meant what I said when I got back. I’m fine with waiting for you.”

“Yeah?”

He wants to erase the uncertainty he hears, the uncertainty that he’s partially responsible for. “You’re worth it, Abby.”

They keep walking in silence, then she squeezes his arm. “You are too. Worth the wait.”

He pulls them to a stop. “Really?”

“Yep. We...I’m scared, Luka, but I’ve used fear as an excuse to push you away before, and all it did was hurt us both. I—I want to try. In June, of course.”

“Of course.”

She takes a deep breath. “But what does that mean? Do we just...keep going like we are?”

“I like spending time with you like this, and I’m glad we talked about this. Just if we change our minds we can tell the other person, yeah?”

“Deal,” she says, beaming up at him, and it’s all he can do not to whoop loudly with joy.

He might not be completely successful, if her giggle is anything to go by.

Friends hold hands at dinner, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come let out an "ahhhhhhh" in the comments if you enjoy it, or come scream with me on tumblr at mearcatsreturns!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Christmas is a gift and it gets more difficult to stay away from each other.

Abby has no idea what to get Luka for Christmas. She’s still doing the gift swap this year, even though med students aren’t required to, but she’s still going to get something special for him. She knows he’s getting her something.

The problem is, he can afford to buy what he needs and he just does, so that only leaves what he  _wants_. The only things she can think of to get him that he definitely wants are incredibly inappropriate and beyond the scope of their current...understanding.

She has to remind herself that graduation really isn’t that far away, in the grand scheme of things.  

Shaking her head, she lets herself into her apartment. It’s decorated for the holiday, and she even has a tree. She wasn’t planning on a tree, but Luka had come over to help out and he’d insisted she needed one.

Abby is fairly sure they’re spending Christmas together. They’re working together on Christmas Eve—she’s taking a few nursing shifts over her break for some extra cash. For once, though, she has Christmas Day off. She hasn’t spent it with anyone in years, not since she was still married to Richard.

Her eyes fall onto the knickknack on top of her coffee table, and she gets an idea. Smiling, makes a note on her to-do list for the next few days.

&&&

Luka stares down at the jewelry counter, now aware of the difference between emerald and princess cut, but no closer to finding the perfect Christmas gift for Abby.

He’s out of his depths. What do you get for your ex-girlfriend/best friend/not-quite-girlfriend-again, the person who means the most to you in the world, that you lo—care for more than you can say, but that you can’t date?

Jewelry is probably too much, too overwhelming. Engagement rings are  _right out_.

But a practical gift like replacing her spark plugs or coffee machine is underwhelming, not enough to subtly show her everything he feels, even if they can’t act on it at present.

He makes his excuses to the salesman and wanders out of the shop, still at a loss. Then he sees a group of teens walking past, their vests giving him an idea. He smiles and leaves the mall, knowing just where he needs to go.

&&&

It’s Christmas Eve, and Abby is  _grumpy_. She’s late to the nursing shift, and her feet are soaked. Who thought Chicago was a good idea in the winter anyway?

Kerry tries to hurry her along before she starts her shift, but Luka tells her to go ahead and change. She gives him a grateful look as she runs over to the lounge.

When she gets back in a fresh pair of scrubs and the spare pair of shoes she keeps in her locker, Frank is prattling on about the box of gifts that arrived from Carter. He shoves hers at her, his comments offensive as usual.

She hasn’t heard from Carter since they talked on the phone about getting Luka stateside again, and frankly she’s a little miffed. She knows a lot happened between them, but she...well, she thought their friendship was strong enough to weather it.

Instead, he sent her a box. Then again, he sent Luka a mask, and the last thing Luka needs is to cover his face, so maybe gift-giving isn’t really Carter’s strong suit.

Abby catches Luka looking over at her as she holds the wooden box, concern in his eyes. She smiles at him and shrugs, setting the box down. “Well, I’ll grab it before I leave, but we’ve got work to do.”

The tension in Luka’s shoulders dissipates and he grins back. “This should be fun, Christmas Eve is always a blast.”

And it’s not bad. They make it through their shift with minimal fuss, even with their smaller crew. When they clock out, Luka follows Abby to the L platform to go to her place.

They’re spending Christmas together, and it doesn’t make sense for him to go back to his place now only to have to struggle to find transportation over tomorrow morning. Instead, he’ll sleep on her couch.

As they slide into their seats next to each other on the train, she’s tempted to offer to share her bed again, but it’s probably not the best idea. He’s not weak from malaria, they know how they feel about each other, and she has no doubt that exhaustion would  _not_ win out over desire.

Luka rests his arm on the back of the seat behind her, and she leans in. He places a tentative hand on her shoulder, then smiles down at her. “Are you ready?”

“Yup. What about you?”

“Well, my gift for you isn’t as good as the one I’m giving myself, but I think it’ll still be okay.”

She snorts. “Yeah, I’d question things if you were going to get me a new car.”

“I’m tired of not having the option. Taking a train when I’m grocery shopping is annoying.”

“Fair enough. Do you know what you’re getting?”

“Probably an SUV with good safety ratings.”

“No more fancy sports cars, huh?” Abby snickers.

He sighs. “No, I think those days are behind me with my midlife crisis. That was expensive to insure, anyway.”

“If you’re talking about insurance premiums, then yeah, you’re probably past the days of questionable car choices.”

“Hopefully past most questionable choices in general,” he says, mouth twisted in a self-deprecating smile.

She reaches and places a hand on his thigh, trying to provide wordless comfort. He seems to understand, and he leans his head against hers. They pass the rest of the ride in silence, the peaceful kind Abby savors.

They get off the train with their bags and make their way to her apartment. Along the way, Luka asks, “Were...did Carter’s gift upset you?”

“Not really,” she says, “I just...I don’t know, it’s not a very personal gift, and I thought Carter and I would be still be friends after everything. It just doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen.”

“Don’t sell him short or give up hope yet. I think he might be coming back soon, and maybe it’ll be easier then.”

She just shrugs noncommittally. “It’s okay, I have you, and even Neela’s starting to become a good friend.”

“She seems nice.”

“She is. And smart. We’re studying for our boards together.”

“Ah, so that’s why you haven’t asked for my help very much,” he says with a grin as they walk up the stairs to her building’s entrance.

She gives him a quelling look. “I can do it myself.”

“Of course you can,” he says, holding his hands up as much as possible given the bags of food and gifts he’s carrying, “but isn’t it nice that you have friends to work with on it?”

“Yeah,” Abby agrees, softening. She lets them into her apartment and turns on the light, directing him to the kitchen with their food.

They put the food in the fridge and place the presents under the tree. Finally, she sees him glance at the couch, outfitted with sheets and blankets before she left for her shift. It gives her an odd thrill to see a brief flicker of disappointment in his eyes before he schools his expression.

“I, uh, I made the couch up before work. In case you want to crash immediately.”

He smiles, “Thanks. I’m still feeling a little wired, so I might put on the TV for now, but I can keep it quiet if you’re ready to sleep.”

“Nah, I’ll join you, if you’re okay with that. We could find something Christmassy.” 

“Sure, though I may change into my pajamas first.”

“Good plan,” she says with a nod.

She decides to take a quick shower, and when she comes out in her own pajamas, she finds Luka sitting in the middle of the couch watching a rerun of  _It’s A Wonderful Life_. She settles in next to him and waffles for a moment before giving in to the overwhelming temptation to lean her head against his broad chest.

He inhales sharply before relaxing, and he then wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, almost onto his lap.

Clarence still doesn’t have his wings when Abby drifts off, lulled into slumber by Luka’s steady and sure heartbeat.

&&&

When Luka wakes up, it’s still dark. He glances at the clock. 4:30. His back hurts, but he’s warm, delightfully so.

Abby is curled up in his arms, sleeping on top of him as they lie on the couch. The television is playing who knows what, and he’ll have to turn that off at some point. For a few minutes, he just basks in the simple joy of holding her, tightening his arms around her. She stirs, but doesn’t wake up, and he brushes his lips across her forehead.

Finally, he stands to his feet as smoothly as he can with her in his arms. Carefully, quietly, he carries her into her bedroom and sets her down on her bed. Tucking the blankets around her, he smiles when she does nothing more than snuffle and roll over. Abby is out, she must be exhausted.

It’s fine, they have more time to rest. Before he goes back out to the living room, he takes hold of her hand and presses a kiss to her palm.

&&&

He’s making breakfast for them when Abby wanders out of her bedroom around nine. She’s rubbing her eyes and has that “don’t even try to speak to me yet, it’s morning” look he loves. Wordlessly, Luka pours a cup of coffee for her and hands it over.

She grunts her thanks and sits at the table, nursing her coffee slowly. After a few minutes, she finally speaks, “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“For coffee, breakfast, and I guess for putting me to bed last night?”

He smiles. “You were very tired.”

“I guess so. I don’t even remember you taking me in there,” she says. “You could have stayed with me, you know.”

Giving her a look, he crosses the small room in a step and kisses the top of her head. “I think we both know why I couldn’t do that.”

She sighs. “You’re probably right.”

“Hey, after we eat breakfast, we have presents to open, yeah?”

“We do. And a movie to watch and another meal to make,” she says, brightening.

They make quick work of their simple breakfast before moving to Abby’s living room. Luka can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm, and he hopes his gift lives up to her excitement. His heart clenches when he realizes it’s been three years since he spent Christmas with his family, and it’s been even longer since Abby spent the day with someone in any sort of intentional way.

She’s almost shy as she hands him the wrapped box under the tree. “I hope you like it. Did you know how hard you are to shop for?”

He waves her teasing remonstration away. “Whatever it is will be great.” He tears at the wrapping paper and ribbon and opens the box, pulling out a snow globe. It has the familiar Chicago skyline, but there’s a couple in the foreground staring up at the buildings.

“Turn it over, it plays a song,” she says.

And then he knows. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she knows he got her that snow globe last year. He’d wondered; he hadn’t been subtle, flipping it over to play the music as he had. Besides, from the second he’d drawn her name last year, he’d known he didn’t want to go the “funny sexual gag gift” route. For one, given their history and that she’d been dating Carter at the time, it felt wrong. And besides that, it had been a way he could show her even a fraction of how he still felt for her.

He knew, had known since they dated that she, for all her rebellious facade, she loved kitschy knickknacks. He’d loved the snow globe, and then when the shop clerk had shown him that it played “What Child Is This”—he’d had to. The melody was the same as that for “Greensleeves,” and if that song didn’t encapsulate how he’d felt about Abby at the time…

But Luka just looks at her in wonder and says, “You know.”

“Yeah,” Abby says with a shrug. “It didn’t take much to figure out, once I thought about it. Especially with everything else going on.”

“I—I’m sorry. I wasn’t my best that night or...really at all around then.”

“And I’m telling you again that you don’t need to apologize to me for that. I get it, and it was kind of a wake-up call.”

“Still.”

“Everything was a mess then. And you know what? I love that snow globe, Luka.”

If his smile is a little watery at her words (that are like a benediction, blessing and forgiveness all in one), he knows she won’t hold it against him. “And I love this one.”

“Good,” she says, her eyes fiery like they get when she’s passionate about something, and he takes the warmth of that—knowing that she’s feels so strongly about this, about  _them_ —and tucks away that knowledge to enjoy later.

“Okay, it’s time for you to open yours,” he says, handing her the thin, rectangular box.

She shakes her head at his obvious deflection, but goes ahead and tears at the seams of the wrapping paper. Once that’s off and she’s opened the flimsy cardboard box, she stares down at its contents. “Oh,” she finally says thickly, taking the lab coat out of the box.

It’s not the short coat students wear, but the full one for doctors. Best of all is the left side of the chest, where  _A. Lockhart, M.D._ , is embroidered in a beautiful dark blue.

“I know you can’t wear it yet, but I thought it would be good to have ready for as soon as you start your internship,” he explains.

Then he can’t speak at all, but he just lets out a quiet “Oof” as Abby launches herself into his arms, her new lab coat scrunched between them. His arms envelop her instinctively.

After a few minutes, she pulls back but stays in his lap, running her fingers over the curving, not-quite-cursive script. “I—it’s beautiful and I love it, thank you.”

“It’s no problem. And you’ll get lots of use out of it.”

She lowers her head, lashes dark against her rosy cheeks. “Just...you’ve always believed in me. I don’t say it much, how much that means to me, but...yeah. Thank you.”

Luka doesn’t have a reply for her, doesn’t know how to explain that she gives him at least as much hope as he apparently gives her. Instead, he cradles her head in one hand and slants his mouth over hers, claiming her lips in a demanding but reverent kiss, trying to pour everything he feels for her into it.

When they pull back a few minutes later, both of them are breathing heavily. His body is very on board for continuing this, especially if they relocate to her bedroom. Abby’s is too, if the way she was arching against him is an indication.

Still, she laughs ruefully. “We should probably stop.”

He clears his throat. “Yeah. We, ah, we could get started on lunch.”

“Sounds good. Just as long as we can put on Die Hard in the background.”

Even though he doesn’t understand how it’s a Christmas movie, he agrees. “Whatever you want.”

Reluctantly, they disentangle.

&&&

New Year’s Eve works better for their holiday party this year, though it’s nowhere near as wild as last year’s.

Abby smiles at the activity in Susan’s and Chuck’s living room. Gifts have already been exchanged (she got a jumbo box of condoms, a Croatian-English dictionary, and knowing look from Jing-Mei), and now there’s music playing and people are chatting and starting to dance.

She’s so caught up watching Chuck twirl Susan—he’s so gentle, it’s just a matter of time until they announce that they’re expecting—that she doesn’t notice Luka approaching her.

“You look beautiful,” he says, mouth around her ear.

She jumps, then brushes her hair back. “Ahh! And…thank you. I may consider believing you if you tell me again.”

“I’ll tell you as many times as you want if you dance with me,” Luka says, grinning broadly and offering her his hand.

“What happened to ‘Luka don’t dance’?”

“I’m a new man, what can I say.”

Abby purses her lips, but then slips her hand in his. He pulls her close, and they begin swaying to the slow rhythm of the song playing. She wraps her arms around his neck while he rests his cheek atop her head.

She doesn’t need champagne, not with as heady as this is. Heady and...safe, in the best way. “Crazy party, huh,” she says.

His laughter is a low rumble she can feel, and she smiles against him. “Very wild. I will say, Chuck’s gift for me was tamer than I would have expected from him.”

“Well, he isn’t drinking, in solidarity with Susan, so…”

“My best pranks are planned sober, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Luka, the craziest prank you’ve pulled was putting those tube things in my purse.”

He pouts at her, though his eyes twinkle with mirth. “Hey, I was rusty. I did have you convinced that you would have to sleep with me to stay at my place.”

“For like ten seconds, you weirdo,” she says with a grin, “and I wouldn’t say ‘ _have to_ ’ like it was some kind of chore. ‘Get to’ would have been more accurate.”

Abby giggles at the dumbfounded look on his face

Luka recovers quickly, though. “Would have been? Past tense? I’m hurt.”

She rolls her eyes, still smiling. The song ends and switches to something more upbeat, and they wordlessly decide to make their way outside to the back porch.

She has to fight the urge to reach for cigarettes, but she’s stopped carrying them. She’s trying to be healthier, and that’s somewhere she can start.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, the muted sounds of revelry echoing faintly from inside. Finally, Luka speaks, “So, Carter comes back to work in a few days.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Nervous?”

She mulls this over. Abby hopes Luka knows that any nerves would have nothing to do with questioning her feelings for either him or Carter—she chooses Luka, and Carter has nothing to do with that anymore. That said, Carter  _did_  hurt her, and she wonders how things will be between them once they’re back at work. “Not really. Curious, and I know there’s some unresolved stuff between us, but we’re over. And if you and I could manage to work together and be professional after our breakup, I think Carter and I probably can too.”

“Mmhmm. Though he’s not nearly as charming as I am.”

“Of course not.”

“But maybe that’s for the best. Too much charm might overwhelm you,” he says with a questioning, sidelong glance.

Silly man. Apparently he  _does_  need some reassurance. Smiling, she shakes her head, “Well, one of you  _is_  charming enough. Any more charm and I’d have a hard time getting work done.”

Stepping closer to her, he presses up against her side. “Work is overrated.”

“Especially during the holidays,” she agrees, her insides heating in spite of the fact she forgot to put on her jacket before coming out.

“Exactly.”

She needs to try to focus on something that isn’t how good he looks or how  _charming_  he is. “I mean, you seem to be keeping it calm. I understand why Chuck and Susan aren’t drinking, and you know why I’m not, but you aren’t either.”

“Well, as you may know, I over-indulged a little last year. I have work tomorrow and I just...I don’t want that again,” he says, continuing, “and this may be corny, but I want to remember this time.”

Abby hears the unspoken “with you” at the end of it and melts. God, she adores him. To hell with not focusing on them and everything between them right now. “That’s how I feel too,” she says, reaching out and placing her hand over his on the railing.

Pulling his hand from under hers, he takes her hand in his larger one. He’s on the verge of speaking when they hear the yelling inside as the countdown to midnight begins.

Her heart pounds in her chest, and he swallows, looking down at her and raising an eyebrow. At her nod, he pulls her close to him, lowering his head to hers in a kiss just as the clock strikes midnight.

It begins gently and tentatively, but as she snakes her arms around his neck, he deepens it immediately. She gasps against his mouth, and her knees go weak. In fact, she’s not sure she’s standing so much as Luka is holding her up.

She doesn’t know how long they stand there kissing, but she doesn’t want to stop. Luka clearly doesn’t either, if what she can feel against her stomach through their layers of clothes is any indicator.

When they finally pull apart, Luka looks as wrecked as she feels. Abby licks her lips, and thrills when Luka’s eyes follow the motion. He’s obviously ready to start kissing her again, but she puts her hand against his lips.

His disappointment vanishes as soon as she tells him, “So, um, it’s Christmas break and I’ve been taking nursing shifts, so really, I’m not a med student right now, am I?”

He catches her drift and latches onto the loophole she offers with astounding speed. “No, I guess not. Do you, ah, would you like a ride home?”

“Oh, sure.”

They make their way inside and Abby grabs her coat before they find Susan and Chuck to make their excuses and thank them for hosting the evening.

Abby hugs Susan while Luka hangs back behind her. “This was a great party, guys. Thanks for having us over, but I’m feeling pretty wiped. Luka’s giving me a ride home, so…”

She’s pretty sure Susan mutters “I bet he is” under her breath, but she resolutely ignores it, and Chuck coughs to cover a laugh.

“Have a good night, you two,” Chuck says.

Susan snorts. “And be safe!”

Abby strongly considers flipping Susan off, but instead just follows Luka to his car.

&&&

Luka shifts in his seat, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and bobbing his head along to the music. He doesn’t dare reach across the console to hold Abby’s hand—if he touches her at all, even as innocently that, there’s no way he won’t just pull over and haul her into the back seat to have his way with her. Or let her have her way with him.

The silence stretches between them until Abby breaks it. “So, liking the new car?”

“Yeah. It runs well. Practical.”

“Very nice.”

“Yeah.”

There’s tension in the quiet, but it’s not awkward—it’s fraught from the knowledge of what’s going to happen as soon as they set foot into her apartment. And the anticipation is killing him. Her too, judging by the way she’s biting her lip and glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

It takes longer than either of them would like to get back to her place, given the New Year’s Eve traffic.

He manages to get streetside parking not too far from her building. Trying not to hover too much as he waits for her to unlock her building’s entrance, he figures he can chance resting his hand on the small of her back.

Abby gasps and fumbles with her keys, then giggles as she looks up at him. Luka can’t help but laugh along with her.

This is ridiculous; they’re not teenagers, but it’s just as fun and intoxicating as it was back then. He wraps his other hand around her waist, and she finally succeeds in unlocking the door. They hurry to her apartment, and as soon as they make it inside and close the door, Luka pounces.

With one hand he hauls her to him and with the other he tries pushing off her jacket. Abby pulls herself up into his arms and kisses him back with a ferocity that leaves him breathless and overjoyed, and he’s not sure if she’s trying to help him get her clothes off or get a better hold on him. Either is fine with him.

They lose their coats, and Abby wraps her legs around his hips. He fights the urge to just fall to the ground and give in here—she deserves everything, so the least he can do is make sure this happens in a bed.

He walks them back into her bedroom, groaning as she trails her lips down his jawline so that she can suck a mark behind his ear.

When his legs bump up against the bed, he falls forward on top of her with a grunt, catching himself on his elbows so as not to crush her.

He manages to divest them of the rest of their clothing though he’s slowed down by Abby’s mouth on his, the way she kisses down his neck, and— _god_ , he’s hard already, even after the little bit of foreplay they’ve engaged in.

Finally they’re both naked, and he relishes in the feel of her skin against his, the way she gasps his name as he kisses every inch of her he can reach. When he finally reaches her center and finds her wet and ready for him, it’s all he can do not to lose it.

“Oh god, Luka, feels so good,” she pants as he works his fingers over her and inside her.

Then she reaches for him, wraps her hand around him where he’s pressed against her thigh. He remembers with sudden, startling clarity how good and overwhelming it can be to be with someone who knows your body as well as Abby knows his, before he’s no longer capable of rational thought.

Part of him wants to protest, but she looks so pleased at how consumed he is, so instead he thrusts into her hand and tries to keep giving her pleasure too.

An embarrassingly short time later, everything goes white. He’s fairly sure he’s made a mess of both of them, but as soon as he comes back to himself, he focuses on getting her to make more of those lovely sounds while he recovers his strength for another round.

Apparently she’s closer than he realizes, because it’s only a few minutes later before she keens and clenches around his fingers. He continues working her through her orgasm, until she shudders again and slumps back onto the bed.

Luka pulls away with some regret, but he tells her he’s just getting something to clean up and then some water for them both.

Abby’s only response is a nod and a muffled, “Mmmkay.”

She stares at him through hooded, sleepy eyes as he cleans them up, and he can’t resist kissing her swollen lips before he goes to get their water.

When he returns, he sets their cups on the nightstand. Climbing under the covers, he turns to reach for her only to find that she’s fallen asleep.

Luka smiles and wraps himself around her and lets himself drift off as well, something beyond contentment welling in his chest at holding her in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment/review here or on tumblr if you like the fic, and I'm always down for some OTP screaming.
> 
> Also, unless I book it through the next chapter, this is probably going to end up with 5 chapters. Sigh.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all hard rotations and hard talks, but it's worth it to be on the same page as the person you maybeprobablydefinitely love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, starting to write this fic: ah, yes, a nice one-shot. 
> 
> Me now: so, uh...five chapters and an epilogue? 
> 
> In other words, I am EXTREMELY predictable and wordy about these idiots. In all seriousness, though, this chapter deals with canon-typical discussions of abortion and pregnancy, if that's a thing of sensitivity for you.

Anspaugh shakes his finger at him in reproof, telling him he should know better. It’s Luka’s fault that Abby didn’t get into any of the residency programs she applied for, no one wants someone who just got her position from sleeping with the doctors—

Luka wakes with start. He’s in Abby’s bed, naked as the day he was born. And she’s in his arms, blessedly and equally naked. He fights his body’s natural response to her, the desire to say to hell with it all and make love to her here and now.

Instead, he turns to lie on his back. He needs to get up, because there’s no way staying in bed with the naked love of his life—that’s what she is, he can’t deny it anymore—won’t lead to them having sex. Which will be fine when she’s not a med student anymore, but right now it’s a problem.

If he leaves, though...he doesn’t want her to feel like she’s done something wrong, or like he doesn’t want to be here. If he had his way, this is how they would always wake up. And maybe in six months or so, they can.

For now, he begrudgingly rolls out of bed and finds his boxers and his undershirt that he wore the previous night.  Luka’s fairly sure Abby has one or two of his old sweaters around, but he can look later.

He contents himself with putting on some clothes, then waffles about what to do next. It’s only 7:30, and they didn’t go to sleep until close to 2, so he doesn’t want to wake Abby. He has to work, but not until noon. And there’s no way he’s going back to sleep.

Finally, he pads out to her kitchen and starts the coffee machine. He roots around in her cabinets and finds some bagels, though the pickings for toppings are slim. At least he can do this.

Around 8:15, Luka is antsy enough that he plates up a bagel for Abby and pours her some coffee before taking them into her bedroom and setting them on the nightstand beside her. Grabbing a book off the shelf, he crawls back into bed to do some reading.

It’s not long before she stirs, blinking up blearily at him. “You brought coffee.”

“And food,” he says with a smile.

“Hmm, thanks,” she says, then frowns at the sight of his shirt. “And you got dressed.”

His smile fades, and her face falls. Luka rushes to reassure her. “I am, but...Abby, I don’t regret last night. And I wish I were still naked, if that’s any consolation.”

“So you didn’t just get cold, huh?”

“More like cold feet,” he says, congratulating himself on word play until he sees how devastated Abby is. “Not about you! Just...the situation.”

“Oh,” she says in a small voice.

He owes her a more thorough explanation, but first he pulls her into his arms, tucking the blanket around her so he won’t be tempted. “Last night was...it was perfect. The thing is, Abby, one night, or even the next several nights with you until school starts again, won’t be enough for me. I—I can’t have this and then press pause for so long.”

A lot of the concern in her face disappears, and then her shoulders slump. “I don’t want to keep waiting, though.”

“Hey,” he says, reaching to cup her face and turn her chin up, “I don’t either. But I also don’t want to make things more difficult for you with administration or risk messing up your matches.”

“You’re right, I know. I know. I guess I just…”

“What,  _draga_?”

“I guess I’m a little afraid, Luka. That...I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem right to make you keep waiting.”

He kisses her softly, then leans his forehead against hers. “It’s my choice. And you’re worth it to me.”

She drops her head with a sigh, gripping the front of his tee shirt and all he can do is brush his lips across her forehead.

“So what do we do now?”

“Not what I’d like to,” he says wryly before adding, “and maybe we should continue this talk over breakfast?”

“And with me fully clothed.”

She is so very naked and in his arms, and yes, it would be good for her to be wearing clothes if he’s supposed to think with his brain and his heart. He kisses her cheek and nods, standing and making his way to the door. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Where men belong,” she calls out, and he snorts. God, she’s so funny and wonderful, joking even through her disappointment and fears, and he hates that he has to leave this room and this little bubble.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing sweatpants and one of the sweaters she stole from him when they were dating before. Luka’s heart is so very full, even as he wonders if she’s trying to torture him.

Abby must see his expression, because she gets apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t even—I wasn’t trying to make this harder.”

“At least cold showers help,” he says with a grin.

“Dumbass. But I can change if it’s a problem. And give it back to you.”

“No, keep it. It looks good on you.”

She nods and takes a deep breath and heads to the coffee pot to pour herself another cup. Her back is toward him, and she says, “I’ve been thinking, while I was getting dressed. I...I think it’s best if we don’t spend a lot of time alone together until I graduate.”

He makes an instinctive sound of protest, but damn it, she’s right. Anything else is just taunting them and setting them up to fail and risk Abby’s career.

“I don’t want to, but...yeah, it gets harder and harder not to do stuff when we’re together, and you’re right, we can’t, not now.”

He’ll have to do something about that dinner reservation he’d made for them for her birthday, shit. More than that, though, he doesn’t want the distance between them to become like it was last year—she’s his best friend, and the idea of not spending time with her at all is just the worst thing he can think of. “Yes, but...I don’t want to not talk to you or be around you.”

She bites her lip, pondering a solution. Finally, she brightens a little. “We can hang out with other people around, or in public. And we can talk on the phone.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. She’s literally the only person he’s willing to enthusiastically agree to phone chats with, but if it’s what they can do, he’ll take it. “No more movie nights, though?”

Abby smiles. “Yeah, I’m gonna say no. Dark lights and passive action on a screen?”

“Fair enough,” he says, chuckling.

She bites her lip. “But you’ll stay for breakfast today, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

&&&

Abby takes a deep breath, straightening her coat and preparing herself to head out to Admit. Carter is back and somewhere out there in the building, and Luka texted her and let her know that his new(ish) girlfriend is with him.

She’s...mostly ready.

She’s not pining over Carter—she never has before, and now that she has a future with Luka, it’s definitely not going to happen. But for a man she loved, if not the way she hoped, to come back so soon after their breakup, another woman in tow? And have it be serious? It hurts a little, and she can’t ask Luka to kiss it better.

As soon as she steps out, she sees them talking to Chuny, showing her a picture. John looks scruffy but delighted, and his girlfriend—who is stunningly beautiful, of course—is looking at him with love and adoration.  _Oh_. That’s what was missing between her and Carter.

Bracing herself, she decides to bite the bullet. She walks up and blurts out, “Hi.”

“Hey. Hey, how are you?” He looks stunned for a second, but recovers quickly. Abby stumbles forward into Carter’s awkward hug before introducing herself to Kem, who shows a mere flicker of recognition at her name. After a stilted exchange of pleasantries—in which Abby is thrilled to convey that she is in fact good and doing well—Carter drops the bombshell in response to her question about the picture.

“It’s, uh, an ultrasound,” he says, handing her the glossy photo.

Abby’s mouth drops open against her will.  _Ultrasound_. “Wow.”

Kem looks so pleased. Carter does too, if sheepish. He meets her eyes, and she feels a momentary, boiling rage at the smug and challenging look there. Did he...ambush her with this? Still, she manages an even “Congratulations.”

Then she sees Luka barrelling down the hallway, rushing toward them to introduce himself, and she smiles in spite of herself.

“You must be Kem,” he says, extending a hand in greeting to Carter’s girlfriend.

“Are you Luka?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, if it wasn’t for you, John and I would never have met,” Kem says, delighted.

Luka glances at Abby, confusion and mild panic in his eyes. Carter and Kem did meet in Kinshasa not long after Luka left, but that’s still kind of coincidental. She shrugs at him, wishing she could reach out and take his hand. She’s okay, especially now that he’s here. “Ah, so girl or boy?”

“Boy,” Kem replies, beaming.

“Handsome,” he says, and Abby almost agrees before realizing that Luka isn’t talking about himself. It really is unfair that he’s so attractive like this, thrilled as he is at the prospect of children, even someone else’s. Her stomach drops, realizing that’s a conversation she’ll have to have with him at some point.

She and Luka exchange an amused look when Kem says, “Like his daddy.”

Carter then makes his excuses about returning to work, though he goes to walk Kem out. He leaves Luka and Abby standing there, and it’s a moment before Luka’s shoulders slump and he reaches for her hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says, squeezing his hand. “I’m okay. But boy, did he knock her up the minute he got there?”

Luka snorts, then grows serious. “I’m going to be heading out soon, but let me know if I need to punch him, okay?”

“Please don’t punch anyone else on my behalf.”

“I can glare at him a little, if you prefer.”

“That would be nice,” Abby says, smiling and squeezing his hand once more. For luck. Or just because she wants to.

She watches him wander down the hall, and she sighs and hurries to the desk, hoping there will be a few good cases that make the shift fly by.

Susan calls out to her, and Abby goes to join her with whatever case she’s working on. She begins to get a little suspicious when it’s clear they’re taking the long way to anywhere other than the lounge.

“Susan, what are you—”

“Okay, so spill. How many times did you and Luka ring in the new year? Is it weird at work now?”

Abby is aghast. She and Susan are close, but this is a new level of inquisitive. “Uh, everything okay?”

With a roll of her eyes, Susan just says, “Listen, I’m either horny or nauseous all the time right now, and Chuck’s not around right now, so let me live vicariously.”

“Gross. And when are you going to actually announce that you’re pregnant?”

Susan deflates. “As soon as I can figure out how to tell Kerry I’m probably going to need extended maternity leave. This baby is not making things easy for me. But stop deflecting.”

“Fine,” Abby says with a sigh. “We...we actually didn’t, um, do that that night.”

“Oh, come on. You expect me to believe that with the way you two were looking at each other?”

“I didn’t say that  _nothing_  happened, but we decided it’s not the time for it.”

“Why?” Susan is skeptical, as if she expects to hear about one or both of them chickening out.

For once, that’s not it. “I’m a med student. He’s an attending.”

Susan scoffed. “Oh, you know none of us care about that. Maybe if it were another med student and another attending, but you two have history, and it’s not like you’re just looking for a good time.”

Abby shrugs. “I know that no one in the ER cares. But what about admin? They don’t know me or Luka, really. Or if my school or loan company found out? At the very least, it would look bad. At worst, it could ruin one or both of our careers.”

After a long moment or two of silence, Susan lets out a sigh. “I guess you’re right, but...ugh.”

“It’s very dumb, and neither of us are happy about it.”

“But Luka’s going along with it?”

“Luka might be the one who enforced and reminded me of it.”

“Oh,” she says, blinking, before her mouth curves into a smile, “he really does lo—care about you a lot.”

“Yep,” Abby says, unable to keep her happiness from her face, as frustrated as she is.

“So it’s good, it’s just...on pause.”

“Until I graduate, yeah.”

“Abby, do you think he has a calendar where he’s marking down the days?”

“How do you know  _I_  don’t?”

&&&

Luka quickens his pace down the hall, intent on catching up with Carter while he’s alone. “Carter,” he calls out.

Carter turns to see him coming down the hall and smiles up at him. “Hey, what’s up?”

He can’t help a scowl at the other man. “You really thought it was a good idea to not tell anyone that Kem was pregnant? And then to shove it in Abby’s face like that?”

“Listen, Abby asked to see the picture, and it’s not like I cheated—”

“You might not have cheated on her, but it’s only been six months since you broke up. And you really couldn’t have mentioned it in one of the emails, just so I could give her some warning?”

“Contrary to what you and Abby believe, she’s not the center of the world,” Carter snarked.

Luka let out a breath, trying to rein in his temper. “It’s not about that, it’s about respect. She was your friend before she was anything else.”

Carter looks ready to argue, but Luka just glowers at him until his shoulders slump in defeat. “Not my finest moment, huh?”

“Definitely not. Does, uh, does Kem know about you and Abby?”

“She knows we dated, but not how recent it was. Guess I’ll have to tell her, won’t I?” He looks up pleadingly at Luka.

Luka can’t give him an out, though. “Probably, yes, if you value your relationship with her. You know how people talk around here. She’s bound to find out from someone.”

“Yeah.” There’s a pause, and then he continues, “So, you and Abby?”

“We...it’s complicated. Because of the med school thing. But we care about each other a lot, and…”

“And you’ll be there for her no matter what?”

“Yes.”

“Then it should pan out fine.”

“Thanks, I think. And Carter?”

“Yeah?” He raises an eyebrow.

Luka claps a hand onto his shoulder. “I'm really happy for you and Kem. Congratulations, okay?”

Carter beams, and Luka tries to push down his feelings of envy for what Carter seems to have stumbled upon, what Luka so wants with Abby. “Thanks, man.”

He manages a smile, and with a sigh, he heads to his locker so he can go home.

&&&

Hours later, Abby feels the familiar pounding in her head she gets when a patient doesn’t make it.

Right after she and Susan had finished chatting, Susan had turned an unfortunate green color and ran to the restroom. Kerry had sent her home, and Abby had gotten pulled into a trauma. Luka had too, even though he was supposed to head home ages ago. She’d been able to see him through the plexi windows separating the two trauma rooms, and she half wished she’d been able to be in with him instead of where she was with Carter.

On the bright side, they’d been so focused on trying to save their patient that things hadn’t been able to get awkward between her and Carter.

Now, though, they stand in the mess of trauma green, and all the other students and nurses seem to have made themselves scarce.

Abby is working at removing her dirty smock and gloves when Carter breaks the tense silence. “I’m glad you went back.”

“To med school?” Or does he mean Luka? Is it that obvious? “Yeah, me too.”

“Never should have left.” She holds back a snort; he knows full well why she had to quit.

“Well, timing is everything, right?”

Carter just chuckles.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

With increased irritation, she repeats her question. “What?!”

“You seem happy,” he says with that earnest sincerity that won her over in the first place.

 _Oh_. Right,  _this_  is why she and Carter were friends. Her agitation fades into nothingness, and she smiles. “Right back at you.”

“So we’re okay?”

“We’re okay.”

“Good,” he says, letting out a breath. “‘Cause Kem and I were going to get some dinner later and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with us.”

Abby lets out a startled laugh. That’s a bit much, even if she is over him. “Ah, well...not that okay.” She’s still smiling, which softens the blow.

Nodding, Carter tells her he’ll see her tomorrow. Before he makes it to the door, she stops him.

“But if you and Kem want to come to the surprise birthday Luka is planning for me, consider yourselves invited.”

He snorts. “Subtlety still isn’t his strong suit, is it?”

“No, not at all. It’s kind of nice, though.”

His laugh turns self-deprecating. “I bet it is after, the last year or so.”

She bites her lip. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Abby. For not being more understanding when we were together, and for today.”

“Apology accepted. I wasn’t exactly at my best either when we were together.”

He shakes his head, not disagreeing. “Did you know that Luka came up and told me off about today?”

She can’t help but smile. “Oh god, I didn’t think he was serious about doing that.”

Carter ducks his head, shoulders shaking with his mirth. “So...you two, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess you weren’t wrong about there still being stuff between us.”

“Then I’m glad for you, even if Luka says it’s complicated by you being in med school.”

“It is, but I’m just glad he and I are back in each other’s lives like that,” Abby tells him honestly.

“I am too. You two deserve happiness together.”

“Thanks, John.”

“And Abby?”

“Yeah?”

He grins at her, that boyish smile that no longer gives her butterflies in her stomach, but still one she can’t help but return. “You’re going to kick med school’s ass.”

&&&

About a week after her birthday, Abby starts her NICU rotation. Neela’s there too, and it’s a relief not to be alone.

It’s...well, it’s hell. Nothing in OB could have prepared her for this, the chaos, the stress, the unrelenting tension.

She misses sleep, her apartment, and most of all, she misses Luka. They may need some distance to keep things from heating up, but she’s not used to being away from him like this anymore.

Abby feels like an idiot, something she doesn’t deal with often now that Romano’s gone. In the rare breaks when she’s not in the NICU or sleeping, she calls Luka. They usually don’t talk for long, but it’s enough to keep her going and remind her that there’s a world outside that she’ll be able to rejoin soon enough. He also reminds her that she’s capable and intelligent, even if adjusting to new rotations is hard.

Carter comes up after a week of her being there. He’s nervous, she can tell. She can hear his worry over Kem, about fatherhood, and somehow it mends the last of the wounds from their relationship. He loves Kem and the future he’s building with her, and frankly, Abby’s never been happier for him. Whatever she tells him must get through to him, because he reassures her that she’s going to be a great doctor.

Things start looking up. That is, until little Jake Kolber dies. It feels like shit, in a way that being in the ER doesn’t, and she can’t wait to get back. Dr. Weaver, there with Sandy and their young son, Henry, agrees that she wants Abby back down there. Dr. Raab may want her up in NICU, but needs to be back downstairs where she belongs.

After their celebratory rooftop cigars and apple cider, courtesy of Kerry, Abby and Neela make their way down. Neela heads to the train immediately, but Abby stops at Admit to see if Luka’s in.

Unfortunately, he’s just gone home after taking an extended shift to cover for Susan. She silently curses to herself and decides to splurge on a cab home.

As soon as she gets into her apartment, she grabs the phone and sinks down onto the couch, pulling off her coat and scarf. She dials his number, hoping she can catch him before he goes to sleep.

He answer on the third ring. “Abby?”

“Hey. Am I catching you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just getting ready for bed. Long, long shift.”

“Then I won’t keep you. I just wanted to call now that the NICU rotation is over.”

She can hear his smile through the phone. “You did it. I’m sorry I forgot, I meant to be there, but…”

“Luka, you were on for an absurdly long time. Frank told me.”

“Yeah. But I feel better hearing your voice.”

“Me too,” she says. God, she’d be twirling the phone cord if this thing weren’t cordless.

“Was it good? Still want to be an ER doc?”

“Ugh, yes. It was good work up there, but...I don’t know. Working with a baby for over three weeks only to watch him die...I can’t do it.”

“Yeah,” he says, and then goes quiet.

Shit, a sore spot. “Sorry, I didn’t—I’m sorry, Luka.”

“Abby, it’s fine. It’s...it’s just a little weird right now, with Susan and Chuck, Carter and Kem, and Kerry and Sandy all having kids.”

She makes a sympathetic sound. “Still. Sorry. Anything I can do?”

“You can get ice cream with me tomorrow, since I know you’re free. I’m off too.”

“Oh, yes, please.”

“It’s a date. Or not. Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, grinning goofily at how flustered he is.

“I’ve missed you. Can’t wait to see you then.”

“Does two work?”

“Yeah.”

&&&

They meet downtown and get their ice cream to go, and Abby suggests they go to “their” bench. Luka agrees easily, even if it’s still too cold for the combination of ice cream and being outside. It’s worth it for Abby.

“Are you ready to be back in the ER?”

“Yeah, after a couple days off.”

“You’re off tomorrow too, yeah?”

“Fortunately, yes,” she says just as they reach the bench.

They sit next to each other, Luka staying close. For warmth, obviously. Once they settle in, he asks, “Now that it’s over, what did you think of NICU?”

“Oof. It was good and I learned a lot, but it was so hard. Especially with so many of our friends having just had kids or expecting them.”

“And Kerry and Sandy had a baby?”

“Yep. And hey, did you know that Kerry isn’t the hardass in that relationship?”

He laughs. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with Kerry and Sandy together, but he can see it. “She was nice to you up there?”

“Yeah. Sandy wasn’t awful, she just wanted someone who wasn’t a med student to work with Henry,” Abby explains.

“Understandable enough, I suppose.”

“Carter came up to see me.”

“Oh? I’m sorry I didn’t get to.” She’s so brilliant, he wishes he could have seen her in action up there, but the NICU...like she said, it’s a hard place.

“Nah, I was so busy that I wouldn’t have been able to pay much attention to you.”

“What, you don’t think I can distract you?” Luka grins and wraps an arm around her, enjoying the way she leans in and rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

She reaches down and pinches his thigh. “ _Not_  the point. But yeah, Carter came up. I think he was just worried about Kem and the baby and needed to talk.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me?” Luka grumbles.

Abby hesitates. “I—I think he’s worried about bringing up the baby to you too much. For you. And what happened to you…”

“It’s every parent’s worst nightmare.”

She shrugs, but tucks her arm around his waist. He leans his head on top of hers, letting her warmth and proximity soothe the hurts that still arise sometimes.

Then she takes a deep breath and pulls back a bit. “Luka? Since we’re on the topic...”

“Yes?” His pulse races; he can’t think of where this is going, but all of the options are, well...they could change things.

“I—I had an abortion.”

“When?” His ears are buzzing, and questions fill his mind. With Carter? With him?  _Why_?

She bites her lip, and he can feel her glance, though he’s avoiding her eyes. “Oh, um. With Richard, a couple years before we got divorced.”

Some of the tension drains from him, and she must be able to sense it, because she hurries to continue, “I had just started med school, and I’d only been sober for a year or so. Richard and I weren’t doing well, and we didn’t—well, we weren’t together much. It was too much for me to handle, and I just  _couldn’t_ —”

“Abby, you don’t owe me an explanation,” he says, letting out a breath and looking down at her. She’s getting increasingly agitated, and his heart twists that she’s so worried and upset. Tightening his arm around her shoulder, he holds her, waiting.

And truthfully, he needs a chance to think. He’s wanted kids again—hell, even with Danijela he had wanted a big family—for so long. If that’s not something she wants…

“I do, though, if we’re really, um, if I—if we really want to make things work later,” she says apologetically.

Then it hits him, like a bolt of lightning, and everything slides into place. “So then we can talk about it, but what I mean is you don’t need to apologize to me for the past or things that happened when we weren’t—we didn’t even know each other. It’s...the only thing that matters is that you’re okay.”

Abby stops and considers this, nodding. “I am. I mean...it’s just a lot, you know? Things weren’t great with Richard, and with my mom and now my brother being bipolar, it’s overwhelming.”

Luka pauses, trying to figure out how to proceed in this delicate, important conversation that’s far beyond his normal communicative powers.

“And, um, I know that right now we can’t do anything, but I just—well, you’re made to be a dad, I’ve seen you with kids. I…”

“I do want to be a father,” he says, cutting her off, “and with most, uh—ugh, I’m afraid if I say what I’m thinking that I’ll scare you or make you nervous, and I don’t want you to think I have any expectations.”

Abby snorts. “Clearly beating around the bush isn’t getting us very far along. So...maybe we should just say it, Luka. I can’t promise I won’t be scared or nervous, but I do promise to  _try_.”

Pulling his arm from around her shoulder so he can reach for her hand, he entwines their gloved fingers. With a fortifying breath in, he continues, “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but if I have to choose between having kids and being with you, well, I’m going to pick you. I’ve...I’ve tried to focus on children and having a family, with Nicole and even a little with Carol. But with you,  _you_ ’re the one I want more than all the rest.”

Then he can’t talk anymore, because she’s leaping into his embrace.

With a sniffle, she says, “I’m not saying you’ll have to choose, either. It just scares me a lot, because I want it, but there are  _so_  many things that can go wrong.”

“But, Abby? There are so many things that can go right. I’m not trying to talk you into anything, but even with losing them, every minute with my kids...it was worth it. And that can be enough, if that’s…”

“Yeah.”

He pulls her completely onto his lap, not caring that they’re in public. If anyone else is determined to take a walk on this frigid February day and judge them, they can have at it. Luka doesn’t even care, not with his heart and arms so full.

They sit there like that for a long while, until Luka finally breaks the contented silence. “So, just a nice, soothing conversation over some ice cream, eh?”

Giggling, she responds in kind, “Oh, absolutely. Gotta keep it light and airy.”

“Speaking of airy, are you cold?”

“Nah, I’m good right now. Something about body heat,” she says, and kisses him on the cheek. It’s such a sweet, simple gesture, and it nearly undoes him.

He squeezes her in a tight hug before loosening his grip. “Anything I have to say about body heat won’t be appropriate, and I don’t want you to scold me.”

“Oh, please. You love when I scold you.”

“I really do,” Luka says, brushing his lips over the adorable upturn of her nose. “But it is cold, and maybe we should get coffee, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all you readers, and I love comments too! So scream with/at me here or on tumblr at mearcatsreturns!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An end to waiting is just the beginning of...well, the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me on this fairly fluffy journey! I'll do the epilogue as soon as I can, but this main part of the story is done. And it has some smut, so be forewarned and/or excited.

Valentine’s Day passes with little fanfare, and Abby buries herself in frantic, last-minute studying for her licensing exam. Neela already took hers, but graciously agrees to study with her anyway. Luka offers his assistance, but given that their attempts at studying tend to end in giggling and a lack of productivity, Neela’s the better choice. It helps that she doesn’t imagine Neela naked.

She works an early shift the day before, so she only catches Luka on his way in. He doesn’t see her yet, so she takes the opportunity to look him over while he’s not paying attention. He’d said he was buying a new suit, but she hadn’t expected...wow, she needs a glass of cold water.

Speaking of tall drinks of water, he finally sees her and brightens as he makes his way toward her.

“Hey, check you out, Mr. GQ,” she says, smiling broadly at him.

Blushing, he thanks her, then pulls her behind him into lockup. “Your test is tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yep. I’m going home now to study a little more and then go to bed at a reasonable time.” Or try to, anyway.

“You’re going to do great,” he says, reaching for her hand.

Abby lets him intertwine their fingers. “I’ll settle for passing.”

“And I hope you’re not settling for anything,” Luka replies, placing his on her other hand on her waist.

She licks her lips. “Not at all.”

His eyes follow the motion, and he hesitates for just a second before lowering his mouth to hers in a lingering, hard kiss.

When they finally pull away, breathing heavily, he says, “For luck.”

Abby just nods, whispering, “Yeah, for luck,” as she watches him duck out of lockup and start to walk away, though not before one last longing look at her.

&&&

She doesn’t know if she kicks its ass, but she does get her exam done. She just has to wait six weeks to see if she passed. It’s not like she doesn’t have plenty to do to keep her distracted from worrying about it between now and then.

Abby calls Luka a couple hours after she gets home. He answers nearly immediately, sounding breathless. “How did it go?”

She smiles. “Hello to you too.”

“You know what I mean, Abby,” he says, chuckling. “But really, how did it go?”

“I think it went okay, but my brain is mush and I don’t wanna think about it anymore unless I have to.”

“Fair enough.”

“How was your day?”

“Not too bad. There were a couple traumas, but we were able to save both of them,” Luka says.

“You didn’t get anything on your suit, I hope,” she replies, trying to keep back a giggle. God, what this man does to her.

“Hey, that was yesterday. I changed and wore my very boring normal clothes today.”

“Oh, there’s nothing boring about your usual clothes, especially when you wear those blue shirts of yours,” Abby blurts out. Her cheeks heat immediately.

He clears his throat, but his voice is still gruff and low. Jesus, that voice does things to her and should be illegal. “Oh, you like those?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Then maybe I should tell you that you can even manage to make scrubs look good, but my favorite is when you wear those lower-cut blouses,” he tells her, and her stomach clenches. Is she...tingling?

She tries to recover. “How shocking that you’d like the lower necklines I wear.”

“Mmm, it gives me ideas.”

Abby has a few ideas of her own, but first she needs a cold shower. And to remind herself that it would probably  _not_  be helpful to mention that she’s wearing his sweater and very little else.

“I...I think we should probably change the subject,” she finally says with genuine regret and frustration. Can it be graduation already?

Luka lets out a sigh. “Probably. Sorry.”

“No, I...I definitely encouraged you. In fact, I brought it up.”

She thinks he mutters something about her indeed  _bringing it up_ , and she smothers a laugh. Finally, he says, “Well, if you want to celebrate being done with your licensing, we could go out with Neela, Pratt, Carter, and Kem.”

“That sounds good. Susan and Chuck, too?”

“Yeah, I’ll invite them. Susan needs to stop giving me condoms, though.”

Abby cackles. “She does that to you too? Don’t pay her any attention, I think the pregnancy hormones are getting to her. She knows why we’re waiting.”

“Like I’ve said before, it’s worth it,” he says, and then she’s biting her lip and smiling for entirely different reasons.

She’s pretty sure she loves him.

&&&

Luka dreads the meeting ahead of them, but they have to get it over with and make their selections about matches.

It’s never one of his favorite things to do, but this year it’s just so damn  _awkward_. Situations like these are what he was trying to avoid by pumping the brakes with Abby, but he supposes that even if they were just friends this might still be unpleasant. He just can’t be objective about her.

All the attendings gather in the lounge, Kerry included. After a short, brutal assessment of Lester, they proceed to Abby, and Luka’s stomach twists. So much is riding on this.

Kerry talks briefly about Abby’s qualifications, then opens the floor for discussion by the rest of them. She looks at him pointedly, and he squirms in his chair. Everyone is looking at him, so he finally speaks. “She has, uh, good clinical skills. Excellent ones.”

“She really does know her stuff, and patients love her,” Carter adds, though his lips are twitching.

Susan agrees. “She cares about people, and they can tell. Sometimes the only person who’s not sure about Abby is Abby, but she’s gotten a lot better lately.”

Is...did Weaver just give him a sly look or is he imagining it? He shakes his head and they move on, discussing Neela. Their opinions there are a little more split. Luka likes her, but he’s not sure the ER is the place for her, or if she even wants that.

Weaver hurries out of the lounge as soon as they’re done to head to another meeting, while the other three attendings linger.

Carter comes over and slaps his back. “Good  _clinical skills_ , huh?” He smirks before going out the door, leaving Luka with Susan.

“Yeah, do you have personal experience with her clinical skills,  _Dr. Kovač_?” Susan grins at him and raises an eyebrow, and he can feel himself turning bright crimson.

“Well, what am I supposed to say? I...I’m biased when it comes to Abby, and it seems everyone knows it,” he says, ignoring her previous quip.

She gets serious. “Luka, we all love Abby. Not the same way you do, but  _all_  of us are biased. Carter still cares about her a lot, she’s one of Kerry’s few friends other than you, and she’s one of my best friends. We’re just teasing you, because we know your involvement makes you both better doctors and people. And you’re our friend too.”

“We...we’re not…”

“You’re not dating?” Susan snorts. “Yeah, Abby told me. For the record, while it’s very noble of you both, you’re involved whether you call it that or not. It’s not like either of you is actually single. You wouldn’t even think of dating someone else, would you?”

“No,” he says simply.

“Besides, according to Frank, you’re actually married. You’re committed to each other and don’t have sex. Ergo, married.”

Luka rolls his eyes, but he struggles to keep from smiling.

&&&

Luka nearly falls backward when Abby all but leaps into his arms, babbling excitedly. “I passed! I passed!”

Ah, her licensing exam. She’s been worried, even if she tries to hide it when they talk. As smart as she is and competent with patients, she knows standardized tests aren’t her forte.

He wraps his arms around her and leans back against the wall. “I knew you could do it.”

“Must have been that good luck kiss.”

“Or because you’re smart and work hard and know what you’re doing. But if you want to test again to see if it’s the kissing, I’m happy to try more.”

She bites her lip and her eyes brighten, and she says, “Well, we could try a celebratory kiss.”

He realizes at once he’s still holding her  _and_  that there’s an infrequently used exam room two doors away. It’s not like he has a pressing case right now; they can afford this time.

Later, he might wish he was more subtle, but for now, he doesn’t care. He just carries Abby into the room, not setting her down until he closes and locks the door behind him.

Luka licks his lips, then he doesn’t have a chance to think, to plan. Abby’s lips are on his, or his are on hers. It doesn’t matter, because all that matters is the feel of  _her_  in his arms.

It’s not long until the kiss begins to affect him (though truthfully, he’s been affected ever since she said they should kiss again) and he pulls her close enough that they’re pressed up against each other.

She’s kissing him and saying his name, and he tries to hold back a groan as she arches against him, but it’s no use.

He pulls back, and she whines in protest. Then he spins her around so that her back is toward him, and he slides a hand under the neckline of her scrub top. “Is...is this okay?”

“Just...don’t stop,” she says. Words turn into gasping when he reaches under her bra, and he can’t help but thrust into her backside.

He obeys, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses from her jaw down the slim column of her neck.

When he trails his other hand down her side and slips it under her pants and panties, she cries out, “Luka!” before clapping a hand over her mouth.

God, she’s so wet and responsive and she’s writhing against him. Luka loses the ability to think beyond her and him and the way they feel against each other. If only they could feel more skin, but god, she’s bucking against him as he moves his hands over her and inside her and it’s too much. It’s too much. As soon as she gasps, clutching at his arms and stiffening, he thrusts against her once more before losing himself.

Once he recovers, he becomes aware that (a) he just came in his pants like a teenager and (b) Abby is still slumped against him. The latter fact seems more important, so he brushes his lips against the top of her head.

After a few more moments of heavy breathing, she finally breaks the silence, “So, uh. We did that.”

“Mmmhmm. We did. Any regrets?” He prays she says no, because he can’t regret holding her, loving her, making love to her in any way he can.

“Not a one, but we’re...kinda messy. Literally. You probably more than me.”

He sighs. “Yeah. Ah, we can clean up in here, but if you wouldn’t mind bringing me some scrubs…?”

“Of course,” she says, turning and kissing him once more. As soon as she’s cleaned up a little, she reaches up and pats his cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

“Can’t wait,” he manages.

Abby returns in short order, holding a pair of scrubs in his size. Her cheeks are pink, but she smiles. “I, uh, there might be at least one person who has questions about why I needed such giant scrubs, but here they are.”

“Please tell me it’s not Susan,” Luka pleads.

She kisses him, just a quick peck, but the casual affection of the gesture is almost as potent as what they just did before. “It’s not Susan.”

“I get the feeling you’re not being exactly truthful.”

“Hey, you wanted me to tell you that. Besides, Susan is better than it being Carter.”

He groans and buries his head in her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her again, not caring about the scrubs getting crumpled between them. She reaches up and cards her fingers through his hair, and he enjoys just  _being_  with her for a few more seconds.

“I should probably get dressed. But are we okay, Abby? I know we said—”

“Oh, Luka,” she says, cutting him off, “I know what we said. And we should probably try to abide by that, but I’m also not going to let us beat ourselves up for this.”

The smile tugging at his lips overtakes his face. “Good.”

&&&

Abby is napping in the on-call room when she hears the sound of a throat clearing. She opens one eye, and seeing that it’s Luka, she blinks blearily. “Hey.”

“Good morning, beautiful. Or afternoon, but yes.” He’s smiling, and he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Everything okay? Do I need to get up?”

Brushing her hair out of her face, he says, “No, and I’m sorry to wake you, but I was going to get coffee before my shift, and I wanted to see if you want to come along.”

“Oh, sure. Just a sec,” she says, pushing herself up and straightening her clothes.

They walk over to the Jumbo Mart together, and Luka’s hand finds hers as they cross the street. Abby looks up at him, smiling softly at the sweet gesture.

After they get their coffee and pay, they head out walking. Abby’s done with her shift, she just knew she’d fall asleep on the train and miss her stop if she didn’t take a nap first. They don’t go far, just lean up against one of the brick buildings and sip at their coffee.

Luka breaks the silence. “So...has Kerry said anything to you about matching with County?”

“Uh, she hemmed and hawed, but basically said that if I ranked County as my first choice, I’m kind of a shoe-in. And I did.”

“Hmm, good. Given any thought to what you’ll do between graduation and starting your internship?”

Oh, Abby has several ideas, and all of them involve her and Luka being very naked together. One particular fantasy involves him bringing her breakfast in bed—completely in the nude, of course, or maybe just with an apron. It might be unrealistic, but a girl can dream.

Instead, she says, “Um, a little. Sleeping for a week, I hope.”

He laughs, but seems distracted. “Yeah. Ah, I was talking to Kerry today, and she gave me a week off right after graduation for some reason.”

“You...you didn’t request it?”

“No, but, ah, I was looking at the schedule and I wasn’t on it, so I asked her about it.”

“That’s kinda weird, even for her,” Abby says, looking up at him.

His cheeks are red. “She said—she said that she, ah, thinks it’s best I take some time off around when you might have...time.”

Oh.  _Ohhhhh_. Abby feels her own cheeks flame brilliantly, but she can’t help teasing Luka. “So she told you to take a sex vacation, basically.”

“Only if it’s with you,” he says, chest shaking with laughter.

“Oh my god.”

“If you want her exact words, it was, ‘I don’t want to be around you and Abby right after graduation, and I don’t think any patients  _should_  be.’”

On one hand, she kind of wants to disappear or melt into the floor. On the other...a week. With Luka. “I’m not sure if I should thank her or just go die from embarrassment.”

Maybe she and Luka haven’t exactly been circumspect since finding out she passed her licensing exam. Maybe they’ve been caught making out in almost every room with a door in the ER, and maybe their “we’re not sleeping together” is wearing a little thin with everyone, themselves included.

It’s just...it’s been nice, in a weird way, not jumping into sex. They’d rushed into things physically the first time around, and that’s pretty much how it’s been since...ever. Luka said it’s the first time he’s waited and taken things slowly like this since Danijela, and Abby likes that there’s something, well—innocent isn’t the right word, but she can’t think of anything better. For once, their emotions are farther along than anything else. It’s getting harder and harder to wait though, and at this point saying they’re waiting  _is_  a little laughable.

They haven’t had sex, not really. There’s just been a lot of making out. And...more. In addition to the ER, there was that memorable time when Luka gave her a ride home after a shift they worked together and they’d ended up dry humping in his back seat like horny teenagers. That’s not even touching on what they’ve gotten away with at the hospital.

Okay, so maybe she can see why Kerry might have basically told her and Luka to take a sex vacation. It’s still embarrassing, though.

Shaking her head, she leans against him, and he shifts his coffee to his other hand to wrap his arm around her. “So I was thinking...what if after your graduation ceremony, we go away somewhere, just the two of us?”

“You want to get out of town? Travel somewhere?” she asks skeptically.

“Nowhere too far,” he adds quickly. Yeah, she can’t imagine either of them wants to spend a bunch of time driving or on a plane when...well, it’s been almost three years.

“Huh, maybe. Get away from Chicago and our responsibilities, maybe somewhere on the water?”

“Like a vacation.”

“Not like a vacation, an actual vacation.”

He kisses the top of her head. “Sounds good to me. I can find a place and book it, unless you want to choose…?”

“Nah, I trust you to find somewhere good.”

“Do you want to leave the day of your graduation, or maybe the next day?”

Abby considers their options. On one hand, leaving right after graduation sounds tiring and like...well, they’d have to wait to get to their destination. But if they don’t leave immediately, she’s not sure they’ll end up going anywhere at all. “Um, how about right after graduation?”

Luka smiles, clearly on the same page. “Perfect.”

&&&

One day. One day until graduation, and it’s driving Abby crazy to be here finishing up this psych rotation.

It’s been...freakishly good. Honestly, if she weren’t completely sold on being an ER doc, this would be fantastic. Somehow, everything with her family, with her history of alcoholism, makes this rotation engaging and very much her wheelhouse.

But she misses the ER and she misses Luka. She’s worked at County without Luka, and she can imagine being with Luka without the ER, but the two combined is just a no-go.

At this point, it’s less than twenty-four hours before they leave for their little vacation. Six days and five nights at some little cottage on the Lake Michigan coast a couple hours away, and she can’t wait. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to, not much longer, anyway.

The beach and Luka await, and her bag is packed. She even bought a new little bikini for it, though she’s hoping that clothing will be superfluous for the majority of the trip.

Abby shakes her head and heads back toward the elevator. She can daydream later, just as soon as the shift is over.

She’s almost at the elevator when someone grabs her wrist. Smiling before she even turns, she lets Luka pull her into his arms. She hooks her fingers into his belt loops and turns her face up for a kiss.

It’s just a quick peck, but it feels so good to not have to hide it anymore. Technically they should wait until tomorrow to be open about it, but Abby is very aware they’re not fooling anyone—not even themselves—at this point. She didn’t even bat an eye when Morris called Luka her boyfriend a few days ago when she’d been down on a consult...which she hadn’t realized until she’d realized Morris, Haleh, and Malik were all staring at her with raised brows.

“Ready for graduation tomorrow?” Luka asks, twining their fingers together as he pulls her aside.

Biting her lip, she nods. “Very much so. And I’m even 90% packed for leaving after.”

He smiles at her. “I need to finish that up, but I’m going home in just a couple minutes. I just wanted to say hello. And that I’m looking forward to seeing you at graduation.”

“Thank you,” she says, and then Abby can’t help it—she throws her arms around his waist. His arms slip around her, and they stand there holding each other until one of the residents from oncology clears their throat. Oh, right. They’re in the way. “Um, I’ll see you then?”

“I can’t wait,” he says, and she watches him walk away as she steps inside the elevator and the doors close.

The shift goes by quickly, and when she finally stops by Admit before heading out, and she’s surprised to find Kerry there waiting for her. Kerry’s not smiling, not that Abby can blame her with all that’s happened with losing Sandy and now trying to get back custody of their son, but she’s there with a large envelope that she hands to Abby.

Abby looks at her questioningly, and Kerry tells her to open it when she gets home. “I won’t be able to make it to your graduation tomorrow, so I wanted you to have this now. And have a good time on your trip with Luka.”

“Thanks, Kerry.”

“You’re welcome, Dr. Lockhart.”

&&&

Abby opens the envelope on the train home. In addition to a nice card and gift, it includes all the official paperwork for Abby’s residency. Abby chokes up a little; it’s so real now, even if she’s known for a while unofficially. She’s going to be a doctor of emergency medicine at County.

It hits her just before her stop. She’s  _done_. She’s done with med school, and the only thing she’s waiting for is her diploma and the ceremony.

Luka isn’t her teacher anymore.

_Luka isn’t her teacher anymore._

She hurries off the train and into her apartment, throwing the last of her things she’ll need for the trip into her suitcase. After a short pause, she grabs a few more items and tosses them into a smaller bag that she hoists over her shoulder before heading back outside her apartment. She only has to walk a block or two before she finds a cab.

As soon as she arrives at her destination, she pays her fare and heads up the elevator. She takes a deep breath, and just like she did almost a full year before, she knocks.

Luka comes to the door quickly, and when he sees her standing there with her purse and overnight bag, he licks his lips and wordlessly holds the door open for her, eyes wide.

Abby sets her bag down in the kitchen and looks around. He was clearly in the middle of doing dishes, but she can’t regret interrupting him.

“I, ah, I have some leftover Thai if you want it,” he offers.

She steps closer to him, close enough she can reach for him and toy with the hem of his tee shirt. “Um, thank you, but I’m good. I ate a sandwich before leaving work.”

He waits for her to continue, though he places a tentative hand on her hip.

“I—I realized that I’m done with med school. I mean, graduation is tomorrow, but I don’t have classes or rotations, my grades are in, I’ve got the internship. So, uh, no more teachers o—”

Luka cuts her off, placing his hands on her cheeks and kissing her breathless. Oh, thank god.

She wraps her arms around his neck and scrambles to get closer to him. He seems very on board, if the way he hoists her legs around his hips is any indication.

She’s so lost in the way his mouth, his tongue, his  _everything_ , affects her that she doesn’t register at first that he’s walked her over to the living room. Not until he bumps into the back of the couch and growls in frustration.

Abby doesn’t care, though, not even when she starts falling backwards over the end onto the cushions of the couch. She giggles, pulling Luka on top of her. The couch leans ominously for a second before he tumbles onto her, looking very put out.

She nips at his bottom lip, then soothes it with a gentle kiss. When she pulls back, Luka is sheepish. “Sorry about dropping you.”

“Does it look like I mind?”

Given that she’s underneath him, legs hitched around his hips, that telltale red flush spreading down her chest...well. He’s an idiot, but not about that. “No.”

With that settled, Abby tugs at the bottom of his shirt. He pulls it over his head and tosses it across the room. He palms her breasts through the layers of her clothes, and she whimpers in frustration. She needs to  _feel_  him.

Luka obviously understands, because he hurries to unbutton her shirt. When he sees that she’s wearing a front-clasp bra, he lets out a groan of his own before unclasping it with one hand. He pushes her bra and shirt off before lowering his mouth to her nipples, sucking and laving.

Abby moans, “Luka,” arching her hips against him and raking her nails down his back. He shudders in her arms, but helps her out when she runs her hand under the waistband of his sweatpants.

God, he’s not wearing anything under those pants, and soon he pushes them down his legs. She can feel him hard and hot against her, but there are too damn many layers, and she  _can’t_ —

Then he reaches between them and unbuttons her pants, and though she gives a whiny, breathy sigh when he pulls back, he tugs them off, managing to pull off her underwear as well.

He doesn’t waste time, just settles back between her thighs. Reaching down and finding her wet—so very wet for him—he kisses her hard, then lines himself up at her entrance and slides home.

God, he feels so good. She’s missed this so much, and now he’s inside her again. It’s been almost three years, but her body remembers his like it was yesterday.

“Fuck,” she gasps against his lips, and Luka seems to take it as a command, burying his head in her neck and thrusting into her hard and fast. When his rhythm starts to falter, he reaches between them and settles his thumb against her clit, and then it’s just a few more moments of frantic movement and pleasure before Abby tenses, cries out, and lets ecstasy take her.

Luka only lasts a few strokes more before he stills, spilling inside her with a groan.

He collapses on top of her, and Abby welcomes the weight of him against her, sweat be damned. When their breathing finally returns to normal, she laughs.

He pushes himself up on an elbow, still looking adorable and delicious and disheveled. Smiling, he asks, “What?”

“So, hello.”

“I guess we did kind of skip that part, didn’t we?”

“Mmhmm,” she says, giggling. He covers her lips with his again, this time slow and tender. He’s still inside her, and he flexes his hips against hers. He might have softened and need some time to recover before the inevitable round two, but she savors the feel of their bodies intertwined, flush up against each other.

Eventually he releases her lips with a sigh, brushing a light kiss against her forehead before finally pulling out of her and pushing himself to his feet.

Abby whimpers, but takes his proffered hand. They get up and clean themselves up a little before he reaches down and pinches her bare ass.

She yelps. “Hey!”

“I had to. You’re too cute.”

His grin is just so dopey and happy that she can’t even feign indignation. She melts against him into his embrace. “Dummy.”

“But you lo—like me anyway.”

“Very, very much. Especially right now.”

He makes a sound of assent, resting his chin on top of her head. Suddenly, he bursts into laughter, and she can’t help smiling against his chest. “What?”

“We didn’t make it to the bed. I had all these plans for us, ah, christening my bed, and instead we can barely make it to the couch.”

“I’m just glad we made it to the couch, honestly. Our knees or backs would probably hurt from the floor.”

“We’re not  _that_  old, Abby.” As if to prove his point, she can feel him beginning to stir against her stomach.

“We’re not. Shit, we should probably clean up the couch.”

He looks tempted to tell her to forget about it, but then he nods and kisses her cheek. “Okay, but then do you want to go upstairs?”

“ _Someone_  is eager,” she teases, though she starts heading toward the stairs.

“Yes. It’s been three years for us, and I’ve been...well. We’ve been ready for this part for six months.”

Abby softens and smiles gently at him, taking another step. “I’ll be waiting.”

“Be there in a couple minutes,  _draga_ ,” he says, watching her make her way up, adoration in his eyes.

That feeling is entirely mutual.

&&&

Luka makes his way up a little while later, carrying her overnight bag and two glasses of water. He smiles at the sight of Abby tucked in the side of the bed she’d always favored, the sheets around her waist. He’s not quite ready to go again yet, but her breasts...well, he loves her and he certainly loves her breasts.

Setting a glass on the nightstand next to her, he goes to his own side of the bed, aware of her gaze on him. He’s torn between self-consciousness and preening, though when he crawls into bed and she immediately turns to wrap an arm around his waist, he settles for contentment. (Though it’s hardly settling, the farthest thing from it, in fact.)

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow? Since now I guess ‘see you at graduation’ doesn’t make much sense.”

She laughs and rests her head against his chest, and he pulls her on top of him. “Hmm. I tried to pack everything I needed for it, but if we could still stop by my apartment afterward for my suitcase, that would be nice. If that’s okay with you.”

“It’s perfect.”

“I seem to have forgotten pajamas, though,” she says.

“I promise you won’t need them.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Luka nods. “Yep.” He takes one of her hands that’s toying with his chest hair and guides it down to his cock.

“I see,” Abby says, wrapping her hand around him and squeezing lightly.

“Exactly.” If he’s a little hoarse, ah well.

Instead of trying to talk more, he kisses her deeply. He runs his hands all over her, and it’s not too long before she’s gasping against him and taking him inside her. She rides him slowly, leaning her forehead against his as they make love. Luka comes first, but she follows just a few minutes after.

Once they’ve straightened up and have gotten back to bed—he thinks they might actually sleep a while now—he turns on his side to face her, reaching for her hand.

“Do you need a snack or anything?”

“Well, unless you want to go again right now, I’m more tired than hungry,” Abby says wryly, squeezing his hand.

“Just wanted to make sure.”

“Thanks.”

“So.”

“So?”

“Did it live up to the months of waiting?” he asks. He hopes he keeps the uncertainty from his voice. He couldn’t bear it if she’s disappointed.

He clearly doesn’t succeed, because she takes her hand from his and pokes him in the chest. “You can’t seriously need reassurance. That was...well, that was amazing. Both times.”

“I didn’t even use my mouth, and I know you like that—”

“Luka,” she cuts him off, “we have plenty of time for that. It doesn’t need to be perfect every time, either.” Abby takes a breath, then continues, “that said, this was still pretty perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Luka smiles. “I think you’re pretty perfect.”

“I’m really not and I know you know the ways I’m not, but I’m glad you think so.”

It takes everything in him not to blurt out how much he loves her, but he doesn’t want to do that post-coital. She deserves more than that. She deserves romance and appreciation and just...everything. “Hmm. Well, I like you, perfect or imperfect.”

“I feel that way too,” she says, snuggling up against him. “And, Luka?”

“Uh huh?”

“I like the bed. Very nice and comfortable.”

“Good.”

“I’m pretty fond of the bed’s occupant, too.”

He doesn’t have an answer, so instead he just kisses her.

They drift off shortly after that, and though they make love once more in the night, any of Luka’s plans for sleeping in until they need to get ready for graduation are dashed by the ringing of the phone.

He sits up, blinking blearily. It’s definitely the phone. Abby wrinkles her brow and buries her head under her pillow, and Luka rubs his eyes, glancing over at the caller ID. It’s Carter. Huh.

“Hello?” He might not sound terribly polite, but it’s six in the morning, he’s off, and Abby is finally in his bed.

“I’m sorry to be calling so early, man, but—” Carter’s voice breaks, and Luka’s testiness fades.

“What’s wrong?”

“Is Abby with you?”

He pauses, before deciding on honesty. “Yeah.”

“I—good. I don’t want to say it twice, if she’s there and can listen in.”

By then, Abby is awake. She’s still frowning, but she sits up. Luka covers the receiver and asks if she can hear. When she nods, Luka responds to Carter, “Okay, she’s awake and listening too.”

“Yesterday, Kem and I...we ended up going to the hospital, and they had to induce labor. Our baby died. Stillborn. The cord wrapped around his neck, and…”

Shit. Abby winces and gestures for the phone, so Luka hands it over. “Hey, John. Luka and I will be there in a little bit, okay?” She raises her eyebrows at Luka, wordlessly checking that he’s willing to do go.

He doesn’t hesitate. “We will.”

Carter pauses, then answers wearily, “Okay. See you guys soon.”

By unspoken agreement, they get up as soon as they hang up the phone.

“Shower?” Luka asks. It’s not how he planned to make this request, but he doesn’t want them to roll up smelling like sex when Carter’s mourning. He might be too distracted to notice, but Luka has no desire to compound his and Kem’s pain.

Abby nods and follows him. It’s quick, and though they take turns helping each other wash, it’s more intimate than sexy. Abby kisses his chest before they turn off the water and step out to dry off, and he brushes his lips across her forehead after wrapping her in a towel.

Abby’s shirt from the previous day isn’t fit to wear again, and her blouse for graduation is too formal, so she borrows one of Luka’s. He aches for Carter’s loss, but his heart is a traitor and is just so warm at the sight of Abby in his clothes.

There’s not a lot of traffic, but it’s still 7:15 but the time they get to the hospital and up to the right floor. Jack Carter offers to go get them breakfast, and Carter just nods numbly at his father.

Abby is holding his hand, and she squeezes it quickly before letting go and going to hug Carter. Carter stands still for a moment before he crumples, and Luka’s heart breaks for his friend. He goes over and puts a hand on Carter’s shoulder, patting as gently as he can. He wants to hug him too, but he’s not sure Carter wants that.

Carter makes up his mind for him when he lets go of Abby and embraces Luka. Carter is holding back from sobbing, but just barely. After a few moments of Luka holding Carter while Abby murmurs soothingly and rubs his back, they make their way to the chairs.

It takes him a few minutes, but Carter composes himself. “I really appreciate you both coming, especially when—well, sorry for interrupting. But you should go home.”

Luka exchanges a look with Abby. Sure, much as they might want to be alone, they have the rest of their lives ahead of them, and Carter needs them right now. 

“Besides, I don’t want you to miss your graduation. That is today, isn’t it?” Carter asks.

“We have time, John,” Abby says, and Luka places a hand on her knee, nodding in agreement.

Jack Carter returns then, bearing coffee. “They didn’t have any bagels, but the coffee’s fresh.”

Each of them grabs a coffee, Luka carefully passing one to Abby.

“I was just saying, Dad, how much I appreciate you guys all being here, but I think that we—we’re okay.”

Luka’s heart twists with pity and compassion. He and Kem aren’t okay, and they might not be for a long time, but hopefully they can bring each other some comfort.

“And, um...I think you guys can go,” Carter says, inclining his head toward Abby and Luka.

_We can hardly stay against his will_ , Abby seems to say, their eyes meeting in another wordless exchange.

She finally stands, and Luka pushes himself to his feet after her. “Okay. You know if you—”

“I know,” Carter says.

Abby leans down and kisses the top of Carter’s head, and Luka reaches out and clasps his hand. They walk out of the ward, and Abby’s hand finds his.

He brings it to his lips as they step into the elevator.

She takes a deep breath, then asks, “You know that I—Carter is just my friend, my trying to comfort him wasn’t—”

“Abby, I know,” he interrupts, “I wish there was something we could do, but all we can do is be a listening ear for him if he wants it.”

“Yeah, it just...well, it sucks.”

He can’t disagree. They make their way to his car hand-in-hand, and as soon as they’re inside, he has an idea. He’s been keeping her gift in the car anyway. “Since it’s probably too late to go to sleep again before we have to get ready, you want to go grab breakfast somewhere?”

She smiles at him. “Sure.”

Luka takes her to this little breakfast joint he knows, grabbing the box from under the seat and sticking it in his back pocket. He doesn’t remember until they’re there being greeted by the hostess that this was a place he brought a lot of his conquests a couple of years ago. Shit.

Magda remembers him and lights up, especially when she sees the way he’s holding Abby’s hand. “Dr. K! We thought you forgot about us.”

“Not you or the potato pancakes, Magda. How is your husband?”

“Doing good, praise god. I’ll tell him you asked. And who is this young lady?”

Abby blushes, and Luka grins at her. “This is Dr. Lockhart, my girlfriend.”

“Not a doctor yet,” she says with a wave of her hand.

He looks at his watch and snorts. “Okay, you’ll be a doctor in like four hours,” he says, then grows serious. “I hope you know that no matter whatever else is between us, I’m so proud of you and all you’ve done, Abby.”

The color in cheeks deepens, but she looks at him with her heart in her eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without you and all your encouragement.”

He ducks his own head.

Watching this exchange, Magda softens. “This is good, and I’m glad you’re here. I’ll bring the pancakes, and you come back soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

As soon as they’re seated, Abby raises an eyebrow and asks, “You used to come here a lot?”

“Ah, yeah. When...well, a couple years ago.”

Understanding dawns. “Ah. So...with other women.”

Fuck, he hopes he hasn’t made a huge mistake bringing her here. Idiot,  _idiot_. “Um, yes. Sorry?”

Abby giggles, and he frowns at her in confusion. “Sorry, Luka, you just looked so sheepish. You’re my best friend on top of everything else, and I know what you were a couple years ago. It’s fine.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“Not unless there’s a reason it should, but I’m pretty sure you introducing me as your girlfriend, us planning a vacation together, and well...everything else—it’s not like what you did with other women.”

“Not at all.”

“Then we’re fine,” she says, still chuckling. “Just...you should have seen your face.”

Finally, he grins back. “Abject terror?”

“Totally.”

Their food arrives quickly and they dig in. After all, they did work up quite an appetite. When they’re done, he clears his throat and reaches behind him for the box in his pocket that’s made sitting uncomfortable.

It’s a wooden box, larger than a jeweler’s box. Her brow wrinkles in confusion when he hands it to her. “Your graduation gift. Open it.”

“Now?”

“No time like the present.”

“Ha ha, very punny.”

“You liked it,” he says, laughing.

She shakes her head in amusement, then opens the box. Cocking her head to one side, she bites her lip. Abby looks at him inquiringly as she takes the shiny golden instrument out of its box. “A...a compass?”

“I know it’s corny,” Luka explains, “but it seems we always find each other.”

Abby swallows, looking down at the compass, then turning to him and reaching to cup his cheek. “It’s beautiful.”

He shrugs. “So are you.”

Taking a deep breath, she says, “Luka, I—”

Whatever she’s about to say is cut off by their server arriving with the check. He pays and they leave after saying goodbye to Magda. On the way to the car, she tucks her hand in the crook of his elbow, and he smiles down at her. God, he can’t remember the last time he was so happy.

Then he remembers the interruption. “What were you going to say earlier? At breakfast?”

“Oh, just...I’ll tell you later,” she says, squeezing his bicep.

He has a feeling he knows what it is, and now he  _really_  can’t help smiling.

&&&

They barely get her to graduation on time, having gotten distracted while they were getting ready. Abby had mentioned that her dark green shirt reminded her of Luka’s eyes, and Luka had put on that deep blue shirt she loved on him under the suit she’d admired a few months before. And, well, if they’d had to hurry to remove the clothing and then get it back on a while later, who could blame them?

Sitting next to a heavily pregnant Susan, Luka beams as Abby walks across the stage to receive her diploma. She smiles back at him, and he whoops with joy. Susan elbows him, a soft grin on her face. “So, you two, huh?”

“Yeah,” he says, “we’re going on a little vacation right after this. A little time to ourselves before she starts her internship.”

She pats his arm. “That sounds perfect. I’m happy for both of you.”

“Thanks,” he says with a grin.

After congratulating Neela and Lester, they walk off, hand-in-hand. He helps her remove her cap and gown so she won’t pass out in the heat, tucking her regalia into the back seat of his car. After they pick up her suitcase, they get onto the freeway out of Chicago.

He glances over at her as soon as they take their exit. She looks so...happy. He knows that’s not all due to him, and honestly, he’s thrilled for her sake that she’s accomplished one of her biggest goals. Suddenly—and yet not so, the words have been bubbling inside him for three years—he can’t  _not_  tell her. “Abby?”

“Yeah?” She reaches across the console to rest her hand on his thigh.

He places his hand over her smaller one. “I just...I love you. So much.” There’s silence, then he hears a sniffle. “Is...is everything okay?”

Her laugh is watery, and she wipes her eyes. “I love you too, dummy. That’s what I was going to tell you earlier at breakfast.”

“I beat you to it.”

“You sure did,” she says, rolling her eyes. But she’s smiling radiantly, so he lifts her hand to his lips.

Then he keeps driving forward, onward to their future. “Ready, Dr. Lockhart?”

“Ready, Dr. Kovač.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and come yell with/at me in the comments or on tumblr at mearcatsreturns.


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